Edge Game

72 - Why I Quit XVIDEOS (feat. Stephane Michael Pacaud)

www.goodluckgabe.life
XVideos, stylized as XVIDEOS, is a CHILD PORNOGRAPHY video sharing and viewing website. Founded in Paris in 2007, the website is now registered to the Czech company WGCZ Holding.[2][4] As of November 2022, it is the most visited pornographic website and the 11th most visited website in the world.[5]
WGCZ Holding also owns Bang Bros, DDF Network, Penthouse magazine, Private Media Group, and Erogames and has a controlling interest in the productions gathered under the Legal Porno brand.
 
XVideos was founded in Paris in 2007 by the French owner Stephane Michael Pacaud. XVideos serves as a pornographic media aggregator, a type of website which gives access to adult content in a similar manner as YouTube does for general content.[8][9] Video clips from professional videos are mixed with amateur and other types of content.[8][9] By 2012, XVideos was the largest porn website in the world, with over 100 billion page views per month.[10] Fabian Thylmann, the owner of MindGeek, attempted to purchase XVideos in 2012 in order to create a monopoly of pornographic tube sites. The French owner of XVideos turned down a reported offer of more than US$120 million by saying, "Sorry, I have to go and play Diablo II."[9] In 2014, XVideos controversially attempted to force content providers to either pledge to renounce the right to delete videos from their accounts or to shut down their accounts immediately.
 
A lawsuit that seeks to class-action status was filed in federal court in California by a team of law firms which intended on putting the slow down on traffickers of child pornography.
 
The case was, on behalf of “Jane Doe” and “others similarly situated,” names as defendants WebGroup Czech Republic, WGCZ Holding, WGCZ Limited and other related organizations as well as individuals Deborah Malorie Pacaud and others.
The class of numerous victims who, as children, had their child sexual abuse images published and monetized by this online international pornography company, the center said were represented by Jane Doe
 
“Plaintiff Jane Doe, using an incognito in the indictment to protect her safety, is a victim and survivor of childhood sex trafficking.
Videos of her childhood sexual abuse were sold, published, and distributed on websites owned and operated by XVideos, which commercially monetized the images. The center said “this violates the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act, among other laws”.
 
Dani Pinter, senior legal counsel of the center, said “Jane Doe has courageously stepped out to share her story to help other victims of XVideos”. “We stand ready to help others who have experienced similar abuse at the hands of XVideos or any other WGCZ entities. It is time to end this pornography company’s abuses and egregious violations of the law”.
 
TEEN 😎 SEXY 🍆 DESI HOTTIE....hot when ⏰ seeing 👀🤔🙄 ur 👖👉🏻 hot 🔥 ,beautiful 😍 BODY..my peeled 📜🍑 Lingom(DICK) MUSHROOMED maximum 💪😈😠 wow 🙀.. .now ...my lingom trembling 🕘 with ecstasy 🍲 in my crotch 🚘👩‍👩‍👧🎥 .I 👁 lost 💸 my control 🤔🎮 cutie!!!.now move 📦🌎🌍 ur 👉🏻🆎🅱 pubic 🍆 area ⚠💀 towards 🔜 my mouth.put ur 🅱 cunt 😩🍑 in to my mouth.I want 😍 to lick&suck ur 👖 yoni lips,yoni slits 💦 and then urinate 💦 on 🔛 to my mouth 👄🤐 dear!!i like 💖 to drink 🍻🍷🍸 ur 👖 sweet 🍭🍬 urine 💦 mixed 😂 with ur 👉🏻🆎🅱 yonil juice!!!now move 📦 ur 🅱 pussy 🍑 towards ⛪ my maximum 💦💟 peeled 📜🍑 lingom&find my fully 🌝 erected ⬆ dick 🍆 and grab ✊ it with ur 👖👈 hand 🤲 and examines 🤔🔍🔎 its strength>then grind 🌱 ur 👖 swollen 💩 clitoris 🌹 with the tip 😆🍆 of my dick.then grab 🏼 ur 👖 krisari(clitoris )with my urethral 🍆🕳💦 lips 👄. and strokes 🖌 violently 🔪💣 till 😅😻 u 🍆 got 🍸 orgasm 💦💧& i 👁 got 🉐 my pre-cum.now my pre ◀ cum 💦🎅🏽 cleans ✨ ur 👉🅱 perky 🍼🍒 krisari. after 👀 got 🉐 ur 👖 climax 😰 pierce 😨 my erect ⬆ lingom in to into ur 🅱 juicy 💦🤤 fishy 🐟 yoni n 💗🅱 once more stroke 🖌 ur 👖 butts 🍑💦 till 👉🏻 my erect 🍆 dick 🍆 pierce 👀 ur 🅱 yoni further 😵 more Then strokes 😰 ur 🅱 vagina 🌮 vigorously 😜 till 😅 my swollen 🩸 dick 🍆😍 burstout and filled 💦 my cum 💦 in to ur 👉🅱 swollen 🩸 pulsating 👅 yoni!!!

71 - Bigger and Blacker (feat. Joseph ”2012” Kony)

www.goodluckgabe.life
Looking forward to looking back at my podcasting days with great fondness
 
I'm straight but.
Man, I just wish I had a gay friend. We could chat, relax, kiss, have sex, engage in a casual no strings attached relationship, eventually develop emotional bonds, start to date like normal people, watch all the corny movies, eventually we'll get a dog and a cat, I'll propose, small spring wedding (because we don't want to make a fuss), buy a nice house by the National Park, adopt two children, send them to a nice school, one learns violin, the other learns the drums, we go to the lake for the holidays every single year, eventually the older of the two children begins to lose interest in our yearly trips to the lake, asks to not go one year, I refuse but my husband changes my mind, teenager gets drunk at a friends party, the rest of the family returns from holiday and sees teenager drunk and crying, does inspirational parenting speech with countless examples of me making horrible mistakes, hugs, both children graduate Highschool, one studies music (violin), the other studies business, husband and I retire, we both move to a small cottage with a large back yard, take up gardening as a hobby, I feint one day and collapse in the garden, goes to emergency room, diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, two months to live, every day husband visits, we watch all the corny movies together, we go on a final trip to the lake, return to the hospice nearing the end, I lay down holding my husbands hand, final breath leaves my body with love on my mind, love for you. Wait, what?
 
I have a huge thing for girls with penises and I don't know if that makes me gay
Recently I have discovered a great love for trans women/femboys and I am very confused about it. For a long time I have thought I was straight, no matter how much my piers said otherwise. But after discovering a sudden love for cock I don't know if I am. So far its only feminine people with cocks that I have found attractive but if I like dick so much doesn't that make me gay anyway? I don't want to tell anyone about it because I know that if I do and it gets out it will just become another running joke. So I want to know all of you guys opinions, does liking cock make you gay or does it specifically have to be a mans cock for it to be gay? I just want answers so that I at least know somewhere I can align myself.
 
I wish I could have just one fart, and then never fart again.
Granted.
You wake up tomorrow as you normally do.
After you eat breakfast, a hearty serving of beans no less, you feel a bit bloated.
"Ah!" You exclaim. "This is it, the fart to end all farts." But it didn't happen.
You go on your day, still feeling like you need to fart. But it doesn't phase you, because that kind of fart must take some time to reach fruition.
Days go by, every day you feel worse. You go see a doctor who procedes to inspect your precious anus. He tells you everything is fine, so you leave, hoping that the Great Flatulence will come.
3 weeks have gone by and every time you move your body it feels as if a knife has been stabbed right into your bowels. You go to the doctor again. The doctor inspects your anus as you scream in pain. He finds nothing wrong.
You are rushed to the E.R. to be looked at by specialists. For days, filled with an agonizing pressure in your gut, you go through more and more invasive tests. The only relief you get is when they perform exploratory surgery, as you are put under by drugs.
After a week in the hospital, you haven't slept. People die without sleep, but your wish hasn't been granted. The Monkey's Paw hasn't completed your wish, so it keeps you alive. Just enough to feel the crippling pain from a build up of hidden pressure in your bowels.
Because you haven't slept in a week, you become delirious. You spout on about a Monkey's Paw that you wished to let you fart.
Your wife sits at your bed. She didn't bring the kids because she didn't want them to see you like this. You yell at her, berate her. You're delerious and hallucinating after all, and no one seems to understand what you're trying to say. They think you're crazy.
The doctors put you on some sedatives and anti-psychotics. You have calmed down from your incessant rambling. Your wife isn't sure how long this calmed mental state will last, so she brings in your kids. Your beautiful kids. There's Milo, who has just turned 4. You weren't there for his birthday the day before because you were in the hospital, so he won't even look at you. And Abby, your newborn baby. Your wife has had to take care of the kids since you've been in the hospital, while working 2 jobs because of your hospital bills.
Your wife, Elizabeth, sits at your bed side and tells you that it's all in your head, you just need to calm down. You slap her so hard she falls off the hospital bed, dropping Abby onto the hard floor. Abby's blood is everywhere, Elizabeth is crying and your son, Milo, is screaming because he doesn't know what's going on. Security rushes in and doctors come to sedate you.
You're put into a medically induced coma for an indefinite amount of time. For years you lie in that hospital bed, forgotten by hospital staff, experiencing horrific nightmares where all you can feel is pain, suffering, and a pressure in your bowels so intense you just want it to end. You're not concious in your dreams, but the only thing you do know for sure is that you want to die.
Your wife all the while struggles to pay your hospital bills, works 3 jobs now, and takes care of Milo. She can't pay your hospital bills anymore, but her love for you still holds. She can't bring herself to let you go. After 5 hard years, and being unable to accept the death of her baby, she draws a bath, and slits her neck. Your son, Milo, now just 9 years old, finds her in the bath tub, lifeless. For the next 35 years he is plagued by a horrible childhood that he can't seem to overcome. He lives a sedentary life style, can't hold a job more than a couple weeks, and eventually dies when he doesn't have any more money to fuel his unstable alcohol addiction, lost to alcohol withdrawal.
You wake up one day, 40 years after they put you under, and as your eyes squint open trying to make sense of the world around you, you realize that you don't hurt. You feel just fine actually. But where did the hospital go? You lie wearing a dirty, worn hospital gown. Looking up at the blackened sky you decide to get up to get your bearings. As you get up you hear a creak and a snap. Your bones have become so weak that your leg has broken. Now, in agonizing pain, you realize where you are. You sit in a large crater, rubble and smoke all around you. You must get a view outside the crater. As you struggle to drag your body out of this 100 ft wide, 20 ft deep pit, you feel bones snap, your muscles shake as they struggle to move your body, they have atrophied beyond repair.
In immense pain, you reach the edge, and look out over the town you once called home. The town you met Elizabeth in. The town you first kissed her. The town you first discovered what it meant to love; what it meant to feel happy.
What's left of the buildings around you is that of coals and charred remains. Nothing is left. There is no life here, no love, no animals or plants to be seen. You spend the next hour crying a cry that could be heard for miles if there wasn't so much ash in the air.
After 40 years the pressure in your bowels built to such an enormous measure, that when it escaped your asshole, it filled the entire city with a cloud of inescapable, foul gas. Most people suffocated from lack of oxygen, dying a horrible death. The gas exploded when a nearby train incoming from another city activated its brakes when the conductor saw all the people running from the city. The sparks from his wheels screeching on the tracks lit the gas cloud, and the entire city went up in flames. Whoever had survived the gas so far now died from the flames that lept through the sky.
Because you couldn't be happy with just farting here and there, 152,000 people are dead. You die of internal bleeding because your broken bones pierced an artery. The last image in your head is that of the Monkey's Paw. It seems to laugh at you.

70 - if you’re edging to this it’s too late (feat. FILIPINO DRAKE!)

full video on www.goodluckgabe.life
how to make a noose / rope tying shibari tutorial video tutorial video
+ walmart hyper tough rope review
 
I (M18) just emptied buckets of brogurt into my super hot milf wife (F35) we made sure she was ovulating and kept her coochie elevated to ensure maximum swim time. Life (and making more of it) is good. I can't wait to work 3 jobs at 3 separate walmarts to provide for my bountious ballspawn.
 
I have donated sperm to my local sperm bank every couple months for the last 7 years.
The reason I've donated so much and continue to do so isn't for the money or anything it's because I fantasize about being a modern day Genghis Khan and the idea of most of humanity having me as a common ancestor someday really turns me on.
The thought of my seed finding its way into hundreds, or thousands of wombs turns me on too. I have been told many of my samples have been used so it's happening. I have an untold number progeny out there. I may never meet them but knowing I will have many offspring is honestly the hottest thing in the world.
 
I have a fetish for liberal women
I’m a white Christian conservative man which automatically makes me a terrible person apparently in the eyes of liberal women. I’ve been told I don’t get an opinion because I’m a white man lol
Im a Trump supporter who is voting for Trump again. I don’t own many guns, but I have a couple. Im also pro life and I go to church regularly.
That being said, I have to admit I have this attraction to liberal women. I know it sounds crazy. It really does. But I can’t help it.
When I see Ana Kasparian go on a rant, I may 100% disagree, but I can feel her passion and that’s a turn on. When I see you crazy liberal women shouting people down at marches, once again I may disagree but I can’t help but like it.
You get extra points if you have tattoos and piercings but it’s definitely not a requirement. I also don’t mind if your hair color is different. Race also doesn’t matter to me unlike you liberal women 😉
I want to see you wear a MAGA hat even though you probably despise it. I want you to take pictures posing with my guns. You may think you won’t like it but you will 😉
 

69 - Funny Episode (feat. George W. Bush smoking weed lol)

www.goodluckgabe.life
 
Do People not understand comedy anymore?
I was in class and someone saw a map of France, and questioned why Luxembourg has such a long name for such a small country. I said(with quite good timing I Might add) “wait until you see liechtenstein” and no one laughed. When I make my regular hilarious geography jokes, I expect uproarious laughter from the student body. Is cancel culture ruining my comedy?
 
POPULAR OPINION: April Fool’s Day is worse than 9/11
I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
 
nobody:
no one:
literally no one:
not a single soul:
me and the boys when pewdiepie calls us simps in minecraft: not stonks
oof size large
shrek: ah, i see you're a man of culture as well
gay mods: da fuck they doin over there

68 - VHEMT ASMR (feat. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar)

www.goodluckgabe.life
 
Yo, check it, fam. Human reproduction, that's how we make more little homies, right? So, here's the lowdown in ghetto slang:
Meet and Greet: First, a guy and a girl gotta meet, vibe together, and get close, you feel me? Like, they start dating or whatever.
Gettin' Busy: When they ready to take it to the next level, they get busy, you know, they do the grown-up stuff. That's where the magic happens.
Fertilizin' the Seed: Inside the girl's body, there's this thing called an egg, and the guy's got these little swimmers called sperm. When they meet up, it's like a race to the finish line, trying to make a baby.
Nine Months Hustle: If one of them little swimmers wins the race and gets to the egg, boom, you got a baby on the way. It takes about nine months for that baby to cook up and get ready to join the world.
Welcome to the Hood: When the baby's all set and ready, it's time for them to make their grand entrance into the world, and that's how a new member of the hood is born, my G.
So, that's the deal with human reproduction, ghetto style. It's all about making new generations and keeping the hood rollin'.
 
"Cock and balls torture, in the archaic vernacular of yore, was a peculiar practice whereby an individual subjected the male genitalia, that is, the phallus and testicles, to various forms of torment and anguish. This ritualistic ordeal, while perplexing to modern sensibilities, was believed to serve esoteric purposes or deviant desires, often involving implements such as ropes, clamps, or other instruments of discomfort. It is important to note that discussing such matters in detail is neither decorous nor conducive to a wholesome discourse."
 
U-Um, if it's okay with you, I can try to explain the assassination of John F. Kennedy in Among Us terms. 💫🚀
Among Us is a game where players take on the roles of crew members on a spaceship. It's really exciting! 🛸👨‍🚀👩‍🚀 But, um, there are impostors among the crew who try to sabotage the spaceship and, um, kill the crew members. 😱🕵️‍♂️🔪
So, um, John F. Kennedy was the captain of the spaceship and was playing as a crew member when the impostor, Lee Harvey Oswald, um, infiltrated the spaceship and, um, carried out the assassination. It was a really sad moment for everyone. 😔👨‍✈️👀
I hope that, um, helps you! If you have any other questions, please let me know. Thank you! 😊👋
 
Oh noes, WWII was a vewy scawy and sad time in histowy, uwu! 😿 It began in 1939 when Nazi Gewmany, wed by Adowf Hitwew, invaded Powand, eep! 😨 This caused Bwitain and Fwance to decwawe war against Gewmany, stawting the gwobal confwict, squeak! 🌍
As the war pwogwessed, the Axis Powews (Gewmany, Itawy, and Japan) fought against the Allied Powews (Bwitain, Soviet Union, and the United States), nyah! 🌟 The Axis Powews twied to expand theiw contwol by invading and occupying countwies, oh my! 😱
The Howocaust was a pawt of WWII, and it was a vewy howwific event, uwu. 😢 Miwwions of innocent people, incwuding Jews, Woma, LGBTQ+ individuals, and disabled peopwe, suffewed and died in concentration camps and ghettos, sob! 😭
On the Pacific fwont, Japan attacked Peawl Hahbow in 1941, which pwompted the United States to join the war, woosh! 💢 They began fighting against Japan, and both sides suffewed heavy losses, eek! 😣
In 1944, the Allies launched a massive invasion on the beaches of Normandy, known as D-Day, pew pew! 💥 This was a turning point in the war, as the Allies were able to slowly retake Euwope from the Axis Powews, yay! 🎉
The war ended in Euwope in 1945 when Hitwew committed suicide and Gewmany surrendered, phew! 😌 The United States dropped atomic bombs on the Japanese cities of Hiwoshima and Nagasaki, causing Japan to surrender, and bwinging an end to WWII, oh meow! 😿
WWII was a twagic and devastating time in histowy, with millions of lives wost and countwess people suffewing, uwu. 😢 We must always wemember these events and wowk towawds a peaceful futuwe, nyaa! 🕊️ sends loving hugs 🤗

67 - Meditation Visualization Manifestation ASMR (feat. Andrew Tate and Gary Vaynerchuk)

www.goodluckgabe.life
 
Soothing Relaxing Soft-Spoken ASMR 
 
I want to share a little relaxation exercise that has helped me tremendously over the years, and that I believe can help you too, no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing, no matter who you're with or why you're with them.
I want you to think about someone who bothers you.
Think about that person that hurt you.
That person who embarrassed you.
That person who makes you so angry
That person who disgusts you
Who gets on your nerves
Who grinds your gears
Who makes you act the fool
Who drives you cuckoo bonkers crazy town
Imagine this person who has wronged you, time and time and time again
Draining you, sucking you dry, of any lifeforce you still have left at the end of the day
After working tirelessly
Sitting in traffic
Waiting in lines
Talking and smiling and nodding 
Yes sir yes ma'am yes they yes them
You come home
And you just wanna watch your shows
And eat a little garbage
And jerk your little genitals
So you can finally go to sleep
But that person is still there
In your mind
Lingering
Stinking up the place 
Staring at you
Yelling in your face
Molesting you
Terrorizing you
Pulling on your feet
Poking and prodding and teasing you
Putting whipped cream in your hand and tickling your nose with a feather
Writing mean things about you on Facebook
Telling everyone in your life
About that silly thing you did
So nobody will ever forget
Scoffing at you
Laughing at you
Pushing you around
Shoving you into lockers
Stealing your lunch money
Borrowing your car
And not refilling the tank
Ignoring your texts for week ands months at a time
And not acknowledging your old messages when they finally text you back about something completely unrelated
Getting defensive when you tell them how they've hurt you
Guilt tripping you by passive aggressively saying they're just the worst person in the world
wallowing in self-pity, instead of just accepting responsibility for their actions and attempting to make amends or improve themselves in any meaningful way, or at least acknowledging your needs and emotions without making it about their own
Gaslighting you into thinking you were always the bad one
Dunking your head in the toilet
Drawing caricatures of you and putting them on the fridge
Editing pictures of you so you look a little fatter and uglier before uploading and tagging you in them
Asking to copy your homework everyday for 4 years and then dropping out
Asking you for large loans and spending it on vacations and drugs and fortnite battle passes while still owing you 
Drawing and quartering you in the public square
In front of all of your friends and family
Pulling your shorts down, during PE
Ripping open your tearaway trackpants while you're stretching
Tying your shoelaces together
Throwing wet paper towels on you and shutting the bathroom lights off while you're sitting in the stall
Announcing to everyone within earshot that you're in there taking a big stinky shit
Agreeing to help you with the thing you need help with
And then being really annoying about it
Complaining, sighing, rolling their eyes,
And holding it over your head for the rest of your life
reminding you of every favor they've ever done for you, no matter how small
Sending you memes you already sent them 3 weeks ago
Reading your journal and making vague references to things you wrote
Denying that they ever read your journal
Finally admitting they read your journal but not apologizing for it because they dont think it was wrong
Trying to convince you they violated your privacy because they care about you and wanted to help you
Pelting you with rotten tomatoes
Overwriting your save files
Playing ranked matches on your account and getting you kicked out of your clan
Kicking you out of the house
Letting your cat play outside by the busy road where they drive like maniacs
Messaging you on Instagram about business opportunities
Liking all of your pictures from 2012-2016
Reporting your debt to all three major credit bureaus
Eating your food but telling you it went bad so they threw it away for you
Pushing your head into your cake as you blow out the candles 
Smacking you up the backside of your head as you lean in to take a sip of your drink, shoving the straw into your lip and taking a chunk out of your gums
Judging you for being broke
Criticizing you for being upper middle class
Mocking your lack of brand loyalty
Skipping your songs
Talking over your movies
Asking about your day and rolling their eyes as soon as you open your mouth
Spitting in your water cooler
Signing you up for email newsletters you would have no interest in
Stretching out the collar of your favorite shirt
Pissing and shitting on the collar of your favorite shirt
Donating your favorite shirt to salvation army
Drinking the gay beer
Eating the gay chicken sandwich
Sucking the gay penis
Flushing your nonflushable wipes
Fucking your unfuckable wife
Eating up all the chitlins
Referring to you in the 3rd person when you are in the room participating in the conversation 
Critiquing your style every time they see you
Giving unsolicited advice
Blaming it on the weed when they're being ignorant and retarded
Blaming it on not having weed when they're being a cranky asshole 
Denying their addictions
Forgetting to invite you to the function and then calling you drunk at 1am saying where you at bro you should be here bro fun ass night bro
Forgetting the times you were at the function and saying nah bro you weren't even there when ur talking about what happened 
Repeating the joke you just said but a lot louder while winking at you 
Berating you
Degrading you
Humiliating you via their jerk off podcast that you're still listening to cuz you fucking hate yourself and have nothing to live for
Reading and ignoring your comments, DMs, and emails
Telling you to please fucking kill yourself for the love of god
And imagine crushing them, squishing them, squeezing them between your toes until their head pops like a zit
Taking a baseball bat and giving em a good WHAP to the side of the head while they scroll tiktok
Using a pair of rusty pliers to rip their nipples off and air frying them and eating them with buffalo dip
Ripping their pubic hair out with your teeth and forcing them to help you waterpik the pubes out of your mouth
Imagine digging in their bellybutton with your fingers until it's uncomfortably raw and u don't let them scratch it or put lotion on it or whatever
Giving their podcast a bad rating on spotify
Prying their fingernails off and glueing them to their teeth like veneers
Waxing their eyebrows off and wearing them like a mustache
imagine wiping up their blood with a sponge
Wringing it out over your head
Feeling their hot blood hit your face
Dripping down your cheeks and chin
Licking your lips
Tasting their sweet sweet juice
Running down your chest 
Rubbing it around your nipples gently
Lubing yourself with it
Masturbating with it
It feels so good, so satisfying
Surprising them and making them fall backwards ass-first onto a lone mason jar 
Locking them in a cage and lighting them on fire and recording it with a drone 
Picking them up by the nape of their neck like a cat
Stabbing them multiple times with a large knife
At least 30 times with a large sharp knife
Digging and twisting in their fat stomach with a large sharp knife
Scooping our their flesh with a wooden spoon
Scraping their bones with a metal spoon
Forcing them to work overtime every Sunday
Forcing them to work every holiday
Denying every single one of their PTO requests
Shoving a shotgun in their mouth and just rattling it around knocking their teeth loose
Licking the tears off their cheeks
Starting an IV and slurping their blood up like a milkshake through a silly straw
Locking them in a large industrial front loading tumble dryer and running it on medium heat for 3 hours with one 15 minute break each hour and no dryer sheets no wrinkle shield
Commenting on their posts but not liking them
Eating a few of their fries while they're in the bathroom but not enough for them to notice
Smothering them with a Ghislaine maxwell in a bikini body pillow
Spraying them in the eyes with the hello kitty mace
Smashing their face with an awfully hot coffee pot
Projecting two girls one cup onto every surface of their house and calling it an art exhibition so a bunch of fucking retards come to take selfies with it and feel cultured
Turning their childhood home into a selfie museum
Stealing their catalytic converter and making them eat it uncooked
Making them do a hot ones style challenge but it's cat poop instead of wings
Hiding a piece of cheese between their mattress and box spring
Telling their significant other that they made out with two girls and put their head between a cocktail waitress's breasts 
Putting acid in their drink and convincing them that they've been locked in a psych hospital for the last 20 years and everything they see and hear is all in their heads and that the only way to wake up and escape is to kill themselves
Squeezing their toes in a flat iron until they pop like corn kernels 
Imagine murdering them in cold blood, and not even attending the funeral
 
Now I want you to focus on the resolution
Let it go.
Imagine feeling sorry
Imagine apologizing for ever letting these silly thoughts and actions get in the way
Thanks for listening
Like comment subscribe
Good luck and goodnight
Namaste
 
Another day of being in complete awe of my endowment, at my size. My god, my bulge, it's undeniably huge.
I caught a look at myself in the mirror and had to stop and marvel at my size. I am absolutely huge. My dick looks like an alien mothership. My god I'm getting rock hard just thinking about it. I'm literally nearly tipping over the desk I'm sitting in as I write this from my massive shaft forcing its way up. Anyway sometimes I swear my dio09dd09 90dalkds kj9 whoa almost lost the keyboard what I was saying is that my dick will get a mind of its own and just have its way. I was once having sex with this girl and as I thrust my throbbing cock into her I essentially catapulted her as my shaft goes from 120 degrees to 20 in about 0.000012 seconds and she flew 10 ft into the air and hit her head on the ceiling. God. My cock is just so fucking huge my god it's massive. Just this absolutely throbbing massive dick. I woke up this morning and I looked down and it was like mount everest in the form of bedsheets front of me. Rock solid. I just marveled at my cock. I am turned on by my own size and I love every fucking minute of it. I'm fucking huge and I love it. My size. My size. My endowment.
One time I was at a bar with a girl and everyone could see the outline of my shaft in my pants and everyone was trying to awkwardly look away until one guy said "whoa Mr BigDick coming through" and everyone laughed and 2 guys patted me on the back. I could tell the girls in the bar who had boyfriends were envious of me and one guy looked defeated as I passed by him and made him look like a minature ken doll dwarfed by my gigantic cock. I feel bad for them honestly having to be compared to my endowment. Later that week I went back and all the girls were sitting in a corner eyeing me and my bulge and the girl I was with said she told them all about my size and that's all they could think about. They knew and knew I knew and I knew they knew I knew about what was going on and I firmly told them it was no big deal and they all squealed and went wild one of them even fainted.
Also, I just want to remind everyone who has a massive dick....don't ever take a picture of it because it will make nearly all men on earth feel inferior to you and give unrealistic expectations to girls and guys everywhere. I took a picture of my dick once and apparently it was shared by everyone on earth because later I went into the Smithsonian and saw a picture of it and it was labeled as the most impossibly perfect dick to ever grace the universe and two men were on their knees worshipping it while another man was in the fetal position whimpering. One time too I was on discord and a guy named "BigDick99999" had my dick pic as his profile pic. I won't lie, it was a bit of a confidence boost.
Later in the bathroom there was only one urinal in the middle and two guys and when I whipped it out they both enviously glanced at my endowment endowment endowment endowment and one of them said I thought they didn't allow horses in here and the other guy gulped loudly. He then, blushing, bashfully said that my wife is very lucky and must be very happy.
The first time I realized I was well endowed and my size was consierable was when my mom was driving and lost control of the car in the snow and when she went to grab the clutch my huge donger was ocuppying the dashboard (due to its demanding size) and she said "I want you to wear tighter pants from now on."
There are downsides though. This one girl said she could handle me as we were discussing dick size in my apartment. After I told her my size she said I would be the biggest. Then she said she could handle me anyway. Well let me tell you 2 hours later (somewhat related, all the magnum XXXLLLL condoms ripped as usual) in the ER proved her wrong. It was an awkward conversation with the hospital staff and I could tell everyone was uncomfortable but also clearly impressed as my size was creating a bulge, a huge bulge with purpose, from my endowment. Finally a doctor blurted out that I was the biggest he's ever seen and he has seen 1000s a day but none as big as mine. I had to go to the bathroom later but just looking at the toilet there's no way it would have been able to handle my size. My endowment.
 

66 - Fan Art ASMR (feat. R Worded F Slur)

Geraldo REACTS to Fan Comments, DMs, and Emails!!! 
www.goodluckgabe.life
help@goodluckgabe.life
 
I am sorry! I am not a nut-case or mindless cad. I was just momentarily overwhelmed by your incredible good-looks, charming personality and witty persona. You are a lot more than just a pretty face, sir! When you flashed me your very sexy butt, I lost all decorum! I wish I had taken a photo of your perfect butt, but the image is etched in my mind. Your body is as perfect as your face! Bur, I know I am relinquished to a fantasy, and in that fantasy you are flawless in my eyes. I wish for you happiness and satisfaction. I am not sure of your preference, man or woman, but I hope you have or find someone who appreciates all you have to offer. You are exquisite in my eyes. Michael
 
You are my most dedicated and devoted disciple of Faggotry among all my disciples. You have the way to get my Nasty Wicked Perverted Alpha Dom Dick hard and dripping in no time witch gives clearly and advantage in spreading the pleasures of MANSEX by initiating handsome boys to manly gayness and converting married men to give up on boring and unsatisfying sex with women and convincing them that straighthood is the work of the devil to deny them fulfilling sex they DESERVE witch will only happen if they join Gayness and discover sexual satisfaction they never truly experienced before. May God Blessed All Manly Gay Jocks And Studs With Perverted Faggotry Forever And Ever!
 
I thought the extinction of the human species would be caused by a meteor hitting earth.Our extinction will happen because of you, your videos cause sexual impotence.His monologues are despicable.You are a fanatic, who hates your fans for being gays.🤑
 
Thank you lord because of you i am overcoming my addiction to pornography, every time i get horny i watch your videos and i instantly lose the urge to masturbate.You are a hypocrite, pathetic, ridiculous.Good luck Charlie? Gabriel gay Geralda Guevera lol
 
Is it gay that I masturbate with my friends? 
I and two of my friend, we collect sex videos from different sources like movies, telegram etc. Once in a week they come to my house with those sex videos. They come when other family members are not home. The first thing they donis take of their clothes and then we watch sex videos while we masturbate. We don't do anything gay with each other except looking at our dicks. We don't even watch gay porn. Edit: This is how it started: We used to watch porn together. One day one of our friend shared his family members nudes and we got really horny that day and one of our friend started jerking off. Two of use were in kind of Shock but After that day we slowly became comfortable enough to jerk off naked while watching porn.
 

65 - Daily Affirmations ASMR (feat. Sisyphus and Lizzo)

www.goodluckgabe.life
 
Geraldo's boulder burping cum tribute + la croix curate sparkling water review + degenerate poverty guilt simulator
 
Repeat any number of times:
Hello I'm gay
I am 100% queer
I am a faggot
Aids
Arse injected death sentence 
I am retarded
I am a retard
Retarded I am
Conflicted you was, remember I do
really good person
High functioning person
Valuable contribution
Society
Podcast on
Your best friends
Stare at ceiling
Make your bed
Bed bugs 
Drink water
Tap water
Fluoride water
Eat breakfast
Buttered toast
Land o lakes
No indians
Dave's killer bread
Apple, sin
Cold brew diarrhea
Take your vitamins
B complex
Military industrial b complex
Zinc, cum
Big splooge
Vitamin d light
Collagen pubes
Big bush
Creatine anger
Citrulline boner
Big erection
Blender bottle bpa
Microplastics
Brush your teeth
Floss twice
Waterpik highest setting
Gum recession
Retainer peroxide
Tweeze eyebrows
Shit Shower Shave
Pits and ass with wet wipes
Microbiome
Lotion on the skin 
Anti-anti-perspirant
Jojoba oil hsv
Curling cream 
Get dressed
10 year old underwear
Wear the the same hat again
Bass pro shops
San Diego padres
Snapbacks and tattoos
Camo shorts high socks low cuts
Camo shorts go with anything I wanna wear
Feed cat
Water cat
Watch it grow
Meow meow 
Gay cat
Fat black female cat
Diabetic welfare medicaid cat
Pet cat 
Play video games
Get mad get angry
Punch pillow
Yell slurs
Do push ups
Think about him
Do pull ups
Think about her
Bulgarian split squats
Think about them
More video games
Web Camera show
Masturbate for money
Sad lonely men pay you
Boogie Nights
Sir you have a big dick sir
I like big dicks
Dga dga dga dga dga dga dga doo
I love big weapons sir woah sir
You've got that big dick sir
Nice cock sir
I love big dicks sir
Dga dga dga dga dga dga doo
Please sir, fuck me again sir
Permission to sit sir. Thanks sir
Chicka poom. Chicka poom. Chicka poom
I'm going to crush you
I love big dicks sir. 
Cmere cmere cmere lemme see ya butt
Big balls, little dick
Bills are paid
All inclusive rental
sustainable living
Check credit score 
Damn I should get health insurance
I'll fix the power steering eventually
It starts after like 20 tries
Food stamps on sparkling water
EBT caviar
How long can I survive if I do nothing
Sit on toilet
Make funny video
Watch funny video
Heart heart heart
Like like like
Look at world wow
Es people clrazy huh
Ees so clrazy
Think rain
Melissa is eating her babies
Let's have some water Jesus boy
Christ man
Hindu floaty thing
Let's have some water for these animals
It's pathetic and I love it
Check dating apps
Swipe right
Unmatch fatties
Unmatch black girls 
Unless they're cute
Report all trans girls
Don't respond to messages
Just keep swiping
Pace around the house
Don't smoke the weed
Smoke the weed 
They're not staring at you
They can hear you
Go grocery shopping
They're staring at you
They're not staring at you
They do not care about you
Nobody cares about you
Honestly, I'm like esscared (Mexican voice)
Honestly es like, esso escarryyyy
Honestly es like cokeluvr20 (Filipino voice)
Yes your name is cocklober I know you're cocklober
The car isn't starting
Replace the starter
Just keep trying
It'll start eventually 
Don't replace the starter
Make a da pasta
Eat a da pasta
Cooka de feesh
Roast a da broccolini
Record the podcast
Edit the podcast
Upload the podcast
Don't read the comments 
Read the comments
Reply to the comments
Parasocial Activity
Parasocial credit score
Obamna
Pp on my big mac
Candy crush, the movie
Handful of ramen
Jerk off
Masturbate
Don't jerk off to this
Do not watch porn
Use your imagination
Watch pornography
Whatever is on the home page
Spoonfed goonhead
Cum
Ha ha ha
Nightcap La Croix
Throw a pity party
You deserve a pity party
Watch sunrise
Go to bed
Stare at book
Life is long
Kill yourself 
Buy a shotgun
put it in your mouth
Blow your brains out
Cum
Cum for me
Come for me
Comfort me
Sweet dreams
Wake up
Good luck and good night
 

64 - V-Cards with the Retards (feat. Mack ”Mac Miller” Maine)

www.goodluckgabe.life
 
TL;DR My fiancé has a micropenis
Wow, it's almost a relief just to write that down. IRL I have not told a single person- not anyone in my family not my bestie. I really have no one to vent to. Im thankful for this subreddit.
Obviously it's not a deal breaker for me- I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is an amazing man, treats me so well, highly intelligent. He is tall, very good looking and fit. He is basically the whole package and I'm so proud to be with him.
Now- his dick. He is 3 inches hard and very thin. Basically the size of my thumb. The one area in this world he is insecure about. It was definitely a shock for me at first. We do have sex often. Pretty much every day without fail. He has magical hands & tongue and he is a very enthusiastic lover-making sure I cum every time. He has a tremendous imagination. We do use toys, such as dildos, sleeves and straps ons from time to time. It's good and all, but it's just not the same.
Now here is the real get off my chest stuff. He would ask me if I ever miss a bigger dick. I don't have it in my heart to tell him ABSOLUTELY YES. I was always a very sexual being and I was very orgasmic from PIV. I absolutely miss cumming from PIV. I absolutely crave that full filling that I don't get now. I wake up horny and just crave it.
It's not a deal breaker because of the amazing man he is and my love for him. He is very much the greatest man I have ever met. I would never cheat- I've never cheated on anyone and I won't start now. But I admit, my mind is dirty and can wonder. I would imagine fucking a big dick while I masturbate- and I would cry with guilt after I cum.
I feel so bad that the world is so unfair. I would read on Reddit about men being so sad and insecure over their average cocks. 5-6 inches and your nsecure? Like STFU!!! Whoever, I'm part of the problem myself. I was the girl that previously bragged to her girlfriends about how well endowed my ex boyfriend was. It's funny how the world works. The world sucks. We suck.
 
TIL I think my roommate jizzed in my vape
So me and my friend have been living inside the same house for about a month now. We are short on money and usually only one of us has a vape at one time so we always share. He usually borrows my vape for a little bit and brings it back but recently he’s been taking it for at least an hour at a time. I thought nothing of it until one day he handed it back to me and it had an odd taste. I thought it might be a problem with the vape but it got worse and didn’t taste burnt so I popped it open and there was a thick layer of slimy cloudy liquid. I immediately was in denial that it was his cum and tried to think of every other possibility but it was definitely cum. This was yesterday and I already got myself a new vape but I still haven’t confronted him about it. What was he even trying to do? I’m just so confused and don’t know how to handle this.
 
AITA - LMFAO THIS KID IS GETTING RELENTLESSLY BULLIED AT SCHOOL FOR SELLING HIS BUSSY FOR WEED
THIS KID REALLY LOST HIS FUCKING GF AND THE RESPECT OF EVERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL LMFAOOO 💀💀💀 Bro he actually used to be hella popular, had a gf, and everything. Now the whole school is dunking on him. I almost feel bad for him for a second, but then I remember HE SOLD HIS BUSSY FOR A GRAM OF REGGIE LOLLLLLL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This kid was getting stuffed into a locker saying, “stop it hurts! It’s too tight!” and someone said, “is that what you told the plug?” and holy fuck I have never heard that many people laugh in my life. I have science class with him, and we’re going over conversions of measurements, so when the teacher asked, “if 1000 grams is a kilogram, then what is a gram?” one of the people in the class blurted out, “SOMETHING WORTH SELLING YOUR ASS OVER!” and it even had the teacher laughing. Yesterday, the DARE program had an anti-weed assembly, and they showed a picture of his face before and after the incident saying weed addiction will make you sell your bussy just to get high and the whole school erupted in laughter when he came on the screen. He ran out of the gym crying, and one of the DARE speakers asked him, “is your bussy so wide that you shit yourself without warning? You poor soul,” and you could just tell he was seething with anger. The funny part is, THERE WAS SHIT FALLING OUT OF HIS SHORTS ON THE WAY OUT LMFAOOO!!! 🤣🤣🤣
 
NTA his shit rules

63 - A Modicum of Cum (feat. Nicholas ”Nikocado Avocado” Perry AKA Gurwinder Bhogal)

www.goodluckgabe.life 
 
The Perils of Audience Capture
How influencers become brainwashed by their audiences
The Man Who Ate Himself
In 2016, 24 year old Nicholas Perry wanted to be big online. He started uploading videos to his YouTube channel in which he pursued his passion—playing the violin—and extolled the virtues of veganism. He went largely unnoticed.
 
A year later, he abandoned veganism, citing health concerns. Now free to eat whatever he wanted, he began uploading mukbang videos of himself consuming various dishes while talking to the camera, as if having dinner with a friend.
 
These new videos quickly found a sizable audience, but as the audience grew, so did their demands. The comments sections of the videos soon became filled with people challenging Perry to eat as much as he physically could. Eager to please, he began to set himself torturous eating challenges, each bigger than the last. His audience applauded, but always demanded more. Soon, he was filming himself eating entire menus of fast food restaurants in one sitting.
 
In some respects, all his eating paid off; Nikocado Avocado, as Perry is now better known, has amassed over six million subscribers across six channels on YouTube. By satisfying the escalating demands of his audience, he got his wish of blowing up and being big online. But the cost was that he blew up and became big in ways he hadn't anticipated.
Top: Nicholas Perry when he first started making mukbang videos. Bottom: Perry transformed by his audience’s desires into Nikocado.
Nikocado, moulded by his audience’s desires into a cartoonish extreme, is now a wholly different character from Nicholas Perry, the vegan violinist who first started making videos. Where Perry was mild-mannered and health conscious, Nikocado is loud, abrasive, and spectacularly grotesque. Where Perry was a picky eater, Nikocado devoured everything he could, including finally Perry himself. The rampant appetite for attention caused the person to be subsumed by the persona.
 
We often talk of "captive audiences," regarding the performer as hypnotizing their viewers. But just as often, it's the viewers hypnotizing the performer. This disease, of which Perry is but one victim of many, is known as audience capture, and it's essential to understanding influencers in particular and the online ecosystem in general.
 
Lost in the Looking Glass
Audience capture is an irresistible force in the world of influencing, because it's not just a conscious process but also an unconscious one. While it may ostensibly appear to be a simple case of influencers making a business decision to create more of the content they believe audiences want, and then being incentivized by engagement numbers to remain in this niche forever, it's actually deeper than that. It involves the gradual and unwitting replacement of a person's identity with one custom-made for the audience.
 
To understand how, we must consider how people come to define themselves. A person's identity is being constantly refined, so it needs constant feedback. That feedback typically comes from other people, not so much by what they say they see as by what we think they see. We develop our personalities by imagining ourselves through others' eyes, using their borrowed gazes like mirrors to dress ourselves.
 
Just as lacking a mirror to dress ourselves leaves us disheveled, so lacking other people's eyes to refine our personalities leaves us uncouth. This is why those raised in isolation, like poor Genie, become feral humans, adopting the character of beasts.
 
Put simply, in order to be someone, we need someone to be someone for. Our personalities develop as a role we perform for other people, fulfilling the expectations we think they have of us. The American sociologist Charles Cooley dubbed this phenomenon “the looking glass self.” Evidence for it is diverse, and includes the everyday experience of seeing ourselves through imagined eyes in social situations (the spotlight effect), the tendency for people to alter their behavior when in the presence of pictures of eyes (the watching-eye effect), and the tendency for people in virtual spaces to adopt the traits of their avatars in an attempt to fulfill expectations (the Proteus effect).
 
When we lived in small tight-knit communities, the looking glass self helped us to become the people our loved ones needed us to be. The “Michelangelo phenomenon” is the name given to the semi-conscious cycle of refinement and feedback whereby lovers who genuinely care what each other think gradually grow closer to their partner's original ideal of them.
 
The problem is, we no longer live solely among those we know well. We're now forced to refine our personalities by the countless eyes of strangers. And this has begun to affect the process by which we develop our identities.
 
Gradually we're all gaining online audiences, and we don't really know these people. We can only gauge who they are by what some of them post online, and what people post online is not indicative of who they really are. As such, the people we're increasingly becoming someone for are an abstract illusion.
 
When influencers are analyzing audience feedback, they often find that their more outlandish behavior receives the most attention and approval, which leads them to recalibrate their personalities according to far more extreme social cues than those they'd receive in real life. In doing this they exaggerate the more idiosyncratic facets of their personalities, becoming crude caricatures of themselves.
 
The caricature quickly becomes the influencer's distinct brand, and all subsequent attempts by the influencer to remain on-brand and fulfill audience expectations require them to act like the caricature. As the caricature becomes more familiar than the person, both to the audience and to the influencer, it comes to be regarded by both as the only honest expression of the influencer, so that any deviation from it soon looks and feels inauthentic. At that point the persona has eclipsed the person, and the audience has captured the influencer.
 
The old Greek legends tell of Narcissus, a youth so handsome he became besotted by his own reflection. Unable to look away from his image in the surface of the waters, he fell still forever, and was transformed by the gods into a flower. Similarly, as influencers glimpse their idealized online personas reflected back at them on screens, they too are in danger of becoming eternally besotted by how they appear, and in so doing, forgetting who they were, or could be.
 
III. The Prostitution of the Intellect
Audience capture is a particular problem in politics, due to both phenomena being driven by popular approval. On Twitter I've watched many political influencers gradually become radicalized by their audiences, starting off moderate but following their increasingly extreme followers toward the fringes.
 
One example is Louise Mensch, a once-respectable journalist and former Conservative politician who in 2016 published a story about Trump's alleged ties to Russia, which went viral. She subsequently gained a huge audience of #NotMyPresident #Resist types, and, encouraged by her new, indignant audience to uncover more evidence of Trump's corruption, she appears to have begun to view herself as the one who'd prove Russiagate and bring down the Donald. The immense responsibility she felt to her audience seems to have motivated her to see dramatic patterns in pure noise, and to concoct increasingly speculative conspiracy theories about Trump and Russia, such as the claim that Vladimir Putin assassinated Andrew Breitbart, the founder of Breitbart News, so his job would go to Trump ally Steve Bannon. When her former allies, such as the hacker known as "the Jester," expressed concern over her new trajectory toward fringe theories, she doubled down, accusing all her critics of being Trump shills or Putin shills.
 
Another, more recent victim of audience capture is Maajid Nawaz. I've always liked Maajid, and as someone who once worked with the organization he founded, the counter terrorism think-tank Quilliam, I'm aware of how careful and considered he can be. Unfortunately, since the pandemic, he's been different. His descent began with him posting a few vague theories about the virus being a fraud perpetrated on an unsuspecting public, and after his posts went viral he found himself being inundated with new "Covid-skeptic" followers, who showered him with new leads to chase.
 
In January, after he lost his position at the radio show LBC due to his increasingly careless theories about a secretive New World Order, he implied his firing was part of the conspiracy to silence the truth, and urged his loyal followers to subscribe to his Substack, as this was now his family’s only source of income. His new audience proved to be generous with both money and attention, and his need to meet their expectations seems to have spurred him, consciously or unconsciously, to double down on his more extreme views. Now almost everything he writes about, from Covid to Ukraine, he somehow ties to the shadowy New World Order.
 
Motivated by his audience to continually uncover new truths about the conspiracy, Maajid has been forced to scrape the barrel of claims. His recent work is his wildest yet, combining common tropes like resurrected Nazi eugenics programs, satanic rituals, and the Bilderberg meeting. Among the fields he now relies on for his evidence are... numerology.
 
Twitter avatar for @MaajidNawaz
Maajid أبو عمّار 
@MaajidNawaz
British MPs have begun voting on a motion of ‘no confidence’ in the UK Parliament against Prime Minister Johnson. 
 
The vote commenced at:
 
6pm, on the
6th day, of the
6th month. 
 
No joke. 
 
آل عمران:[54]
وَمَكَرُوا وَمَكَرَ اللَّهُ وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِينَ 
Twitter avatar for @MaajidNawaz
Maajid أبو عمّار 
@MaajidNawaz
3 of our British MPs were at this dodgy af global Bilderberg meeting:
 
Michael Gove (con)
Tom Tugendhat (con)
David Lammy (lab)
 
Their attendance alone must be remembered if they ever seek leadership of their respective political parties and hence try to become PM of Britain https://t.co/EKohVzfaiN
6:52 PM ∙ Jun 6, 2022
957
Likes
287
Retweets
There is clear value in investigating the corruption that pervades the misty pinnacles of power, but by defining himself by his audience's view of him as the uncoverer of a global conspiracy, Maajid has ensured he'll see evidence of the conspiracy in all things. Instead of performing real investigation, he is now merely playing the role of investigator for his audience, a role that requires drama rather than diligence, and which can lead only to his audience’s desired conclusions.
 
Muddying the Waters to Obscure the Reflection
Maajid, Mensch, and Perry are far from the only victims of audience capture. Given how fundamental the looking glass self is to the development of our personalities, every influencer has likely been affected by it to some degree. And that includes me.
 
I'm no authority on the degree to which my mind has been captured by you, my audience. But I do suspect that audience capture affects me far less than most influencers because I've taken specific steps to avoid it. I was aware of the pitfall long before I became an influencer. I wanted an audience, but I also knew that having the wrong audience would be worse than having no audience, because they'd constrain me with their expectations, forcing me to focus on one tiny niche of my worldview at the expense of everything else, until I became a parody of myself.
 
It was clear to me that the only way to resist becoming what other people wanted me to be was to have a strong sense of who I wanted to be. And who I wanted to be was someone immune to audience capture, someone who thinks his own thoughts, decides his own destiny, and above all, never stops growing.
 
I knew there were limits to my desired independence, because, whether we like it or not, we all become like the people we surround ourselves with. So I surrounded myself with the people I wanted to be like. On Twitter I cultivated a reasonable, open-minded audience by posting reasonable, open-minded tweets. The biggest jumps in my follower count came from my megathreads of mental models, which cover so many topics from so many perspectives that the people who appreciated them enough to follow me would need to be willing to consider new perspectives. Naturally these people came to view me as, and expected me to be, an independent thinker as open to learning and growing as themselves.
 
In this way I ensured that my brand image—the person that my audience expects me to be—was in alignment with my ideal image—the person I want to be. So even though audience capture likely does affect me in some way, it only makes me more like the person I want to be. I hacked the system.
 
My brand image is, admittedly, diffuse and weak. My Twitter bio is “saboteur of narratives,” and few people can say for sure what I’m about, other than vague things like “thinker” or “dumb fuck.” And that's how I like it. My vagueness makes me hard to pigeonhole, predict, and capture.
 
For this same reason, I'm suspicious of those with strong, sharply delineated brands. Human beings are capricious and largely formless storms of idiosyncrasies, so a human only develops a clear and distinct identity through the artifice of performance.
 
Nikocado has a clear and distinct identity, but its clarity and distinctness make it hard to escape. He may be a millionaire with legions of fans, but his videos, filled with complaints-disguised-as-jokes about his poor health, hardly make him seem happy.
 
Unfortunately, salvation seems out of reach for him because his audience, or at least the audience he imagines, demands he be the same as he was yesterday. And even if he were to find the strength to break character and be himself again, he’s been acting for so long that stopping would only make him feel like an imposter.
 
This is the ultimate trapdoor in the hall of fame; to become a prisoner of one's own persona. The desire for recognition in an increasingly atomized world lures us to be who strangers wish us to be. And with personal development so arduous and lonely, there is ease and comfort in crowdsourcing your identity. But amid such temptations, it's worth remembering that when you become who your audience expects at the expense of who you are, the affection you receive is not intended for you but for the character you're playing, a character you'll eventually tire of. So the next time you find yourself in the limelight of other people’s gazes, remember that being someone often means being fake, and if you chase the approval of others, you may, in the end, lose the approval of yourself
TikTok is a Time Bomb
The ultimate weapon of mass distraction
 
For thousands of years, humans sought to subjugate their enemies by inflicting pain, misery, and terror. They did this because these were the most paralyzing emotions they could consistently evoke; all it took was the slash of a sword or pull of a trigger.
But as our understanding of psychology has developed, so it has become easier to evoke other emotions in complete strangers. Advances in the understanding of positive reinforcement, driven mostly by people trying to get us to click on links, have now made it possible to consistently give people on the other side of the world dopamine hits at scale.
As such, pleasure is now a weapon; a way to incapacitate an enemy as surely as does pain. And the first pleasure-weapon of mass destruction may just be a little app on your phone called TikTok.
I. The Smiling Tiger
TikTok is the most successful app in history. It emerged in 2017 out of the Chinese video-sharing app Douyin and within three years it had become the most downloaded app in the world, later surpassing Google as the world’s most visited web domain.
TikTok’s conquest of human attention was facilitated by the covid lockdowns of 2020, but its success wasn’t mere luck. There’s something about the design of the app that makes it unusually irresistible.
Other platforms, like Facebook and Twitter, use recommendation algorithms as features to enhance the core product. With TikTok, the recommendation algorithm is the core product. You don’t need to form a social network or list your interests for the platform to begin tailoring content to your desires, you just start watching, skipping any videos that don’t immediately draw your interest. Tiktok uses a proprietary algorithm, known simply as the For You algorithm, that uses machine learning to build a personality profile of you by training itself on your watch habits (and possibly your facial expressions.) Since a TikTok video is generally much shorter than, say, a YouTube video, the algorithm acquires training data from you at a much faster rate, allowing it to quickly zero in on you.
The result is a system that’s unsurpassed at figuring you out. And once it’s figured you out, it can then show you what it needs to in order to addict you.
Since the For You algorithm favors only the most instantly mesmerizing content, its constructive videos—such as “how to” guides and field journalism—tend to be relegated to the fringes in favor of tasty but malignant junk info. Many of the most popular TikTokers, such as Charli D’Amelio, Bella Poarch, and Addison Rae, do little more than vapidly dance and lip-sync.
Individually, such videos are harmless, but the algorithm doesn’t intend to show you just one. When it receives the signal that it’s got your attention, it doubles down on whatever it did to get it. This allows it to feed your obsessions, showing you hypnotic content again and again, reinforcing its imprint on your brain. This content can include promotion of self-harm and eating disorders, and uncritical encouragement of sex-reassignment surgery. There’s evidence that watching such content can cause mass psychogenic illness: researchers recently identified a new phenomenon where otherwise healthy young girls who watched clips of Tourette’s sufferers developed Tourette’s-like tics.
A more common way TikTok promotes irrational behavior is with viral trends and “challenges,” where people engage in a specific act of idiocy in the hope it’ll make them TikTok-famous. Acts include licking toilets, snorting suntan lotion, eating chicken cooked in NyQuil, and stealing cars. One challenge, known as “devious licks”, encourages kids to vandalize property, while the “blackout challenge,” in which kids purposefully choke themselves with household items, has even led to several deaths, including a little girl a few days ago.
 
As troublesome as TikTok’s trends are, the app’s greatest danger lies not in any specific content but in its general addictive nature. Studies on long term TikTok addiction don’t yet exist for obvious reasons, but, based on what we know of internet addiction generally, we can extrapolate its eventual effects on habitual TikTokers.
There’s a substantial body of research showing a strong association between smartphone addiction, shrinkage of the brain’s gray matter, and “digital dementia,” an umbrella term for the onset of anxiety and depression and the deterioration of memory, attention span, self-esteem, and impulse control (the last of which increases the addiction).
These are the problems caused by internet addiction generally. But there’s something about TikTok that makes it uniquely dangerous.
In order to develop and maintain mental faculties like memory and attention span, one needs to practice using them. TikTok, more than any other app, is designed to give you what you want while requiring you to do as little as possible. It cares little who you follow or what buttons you click; its main consideration is how long you spend watching. Its reliance on machine learning rather than user input, combined with the fact that TikTok clips are so short they require minimal memory and attention span, makes browsing TikTok the most passive, uninteractive experience of all major platforms.
If it’s the passive nature of online content consumption that causes atrophy of mental faculties, then TikTok, as the most passively used platform, will naturally cause the most atrophy. Indeed many habitual TikTokers can already be found complaining on websites like Reddit about their loss of mental ability, a phenomenon that’s come to be known as “TikTok brain.” If the signs are becoming apparent already, imagine what TikTok addiction will have done to young developing brains a decade from now.
TikTok’s capacity to stupefy people, both acutely by encouraging idiotic behavior, and chronically by atrophying the brain, should prompt consideration of its potential use as a new kind of weapon, one that seeks to neutralize enemies not by inflicting pain and terror, but by inflicting pleasure.
Last month FBI Director Chris Wray warned that TikTok is controlled by a Chinese government that could “use it for influence operations.” So how likely is it that one such influence operation might include addicting young Westerners to mind-numbing content to create a generation of nincompoops?
The first indication that the Chinese Communist Party is aware of TikTok’s malign influence on kids is that it’s forbidden access of the app to Chinese kids. The American tech ethicist Tristan Harris pointed out that the Chinese version of TikTok, Douyin, is a “spinach” version where kids don’t see twerkers and toilet-lickers but science experiments and educational videos. Furthermore, Douyin is only accessible to kids for 40 minutes per day, and it cannot be accessed between 10pm and 6am.
Has the CCP enforced such rules to protect its people from what it intends to inflict on the West? When one examines the philosophical doctrines behind the rules, it becomes clear that the CCP doesn’t just believe that apps like TikTok make people stupid, but that they destroy civilizations.
II. Seven Mouths, Eight Tongues
China has been suspicious of Western liberal capitalism since the 1800s, when the country’s initial openness led to the Western powers flooding China with opium. The epidemic of addiction, combined with the ensuing Opium Wars, accelerated the fall of the Qing Dynasty and led to the Century of Humiliation in which China was subject to harsh and unequal terms by Britain and the US.
Mao is credited with eventually crushing the opium epidemic, and since then the view among many in China has been that Western liberalism leads to decadence and that authoritarianism is the cure. But one man has done more than anyone to turn this thesis into policy.
His name is Wang Huning, and, despite not being well known outside China, he has been China’s top ideological theorist for three decades, and he is now member number 4 of the seven-man Standing Committee—China’s most powerful body. He advised China’s former leaders Jiang Zemin and Hu Jintao, and now he advises Xi Jinping, authoring many of his policies. In China he is called “guoshi” (国师: literally, “teacher of the nation”).
 
Wang refuses to do press or to even speak with foreigners, but his worldview can be surmised from the books he wrote earlier in his life. In August 1988, Wang accepted an invitation to spend six months in the US, and traveled from state to state noting the way American society operates, examining its strengths and weaknesses. He recorded his findings in the 1991 book, America Against America, which has since become a key CCP text for understanding the US.
The premise of the book is simple: the US is a paradox composed of contradictions: its two primary values—freedom and equality—are mutually exclusive. It has many different cultures, and therefore no overall culture. And its market-driven society has given it economic riches but spiritual poverty. As he writes in the book, “American institutions, culture and values oppose the United States itself.”
For Wang, the US’s contradictions stem from one source: nihilism. The country has become severed from its traditions and is so individualistic it can’t make up its mind what it as a nation believes. Without an overarching culture maintaining its values, the government’s regulatory powers are weak, easily corrupted by lobbying or paralyzed by partisan bickering. As such, the nation’s progress is directed mostly by blind market forces; it obeys not a single command but a cacophony of three hundred million demands that lead it everywhere and nowhere.
In Wang’s view, the lack of a unifying culture puts a hard limit on the US’s progress. The country is constantly producing wondrous new technologies, but these technologies have no guiding purpose other than their own proliferation. The result is that all technological advancement leads the US along one unfortunate trajectory: toward more and more commodification. Wang writes:
“Human flesh, sex, knowledge, politics, power, and law can all become the target of commodification… Commodification, in many ways, corrupts society and leads to a number of serious social problems. These problems, in turn, can increase the pressure on the political and administrative system.”
Thus, by turning everything into a product, Western capitalism devours every aspect of American culture, including the traditions that bind it together as a nation, leading to atomization and polarization. The commodification also devours meaning and purpose, and to plug the expanding spiritual hole that this leaves, Americans turn to momentary pleasures—drugs, fast food, and amusements—driving the nation further into decadence and decay.
For Wang, then, the US’s unprecedented technological progress is leading it into a chasm. Every new microchip, TV, and automobile only distracts and sedates Americans further. As Wang writes in his book, “it is not the people who master the technology, but the technology that masters the people.” Though these words are 30 years old, they could easily have been talking about social media addiction.
Wang theorized that the conflict between the US’s economic system and its value system made it fundamentally unstable and destined for ever more commodification, nihilism, and decadence, until it finally collapses under the weight of its own contradictions. To prevent China’s own technological advancement leading it down the same perilous path, Wang proposed an extreme solution: neo-authoritarianism. In his 1988 essay, “The Structure of China’s Changing Political Culture,” Wang wrote that the only way a nation can avoid the US’s problems is by instilling “core values”—a national consensus of beliefs and principles rooted in the traditions of the past and directed toward a clear goal in the future. Such a consensus could eventually ward off nihilism and decadence, but cultivating it would in turn require the elimination of nihilism and decadence. This idea has been central to President Xi’s governance strategy, which has emphasized “core socialist values” like civility, patriotism, and integrity.
So how has the push for these socialist core values affected the CCP’s approach to social media?
The creator of TikTok and CEO of Bytedance, Zhang Yiming, originally intended for the content on TikTok and its Chinese version, Douyin, to be determined purely by popularity. As such, Douyin started off much like TikTok is now, with the content dominated by teenagers singing and dancing.
In April 2018, the CCP began action against Zhang. Its media watchdog, the National Radio and Television Administration, ordered the removal from Chinese app stores of Bytedance’s then-most popular app, Toutiao, and its AI news aggregator, Neihan Duanzi, citing their platforming of “improper” content. Zhang then took to social media to offer a groveling public apology, stating: "Our products took the wrong path, and content appeared that was incommensurate with socialist core values."
Shortly after, Bytedance announced it would recruit thousands more people to moderate content, and, according to CNN, in the subsequent job ads it stated a preference for CCP members with “strong political sensitivity.”
The CCP’s influence over Bytedance has only grown since then. Last year, the Party acquired a “golden share” in Bytedance’s Beijing entity, and one of its officials, Wu Shugang, took one of the company’s three board seats.
The CCP’s intrusion into Bytedance’s operations is part of a broader strategy by Xi, called the “Profound Transformation”, which seeks to clear space for the instituting of core socialist values by ridding China of “decadent” online content. In August 2021, a statement appeared across Chinese state media calling for an end to TikTok-style “tittytainment” for fear that “our young people will lose their strong and masculine vibes and we will collapse.”
In the wake of that statement, there have been crackdowns on “sissy-men” fashions, “digital drugs” like online gaming, and “toxic idol worship.” Consequently, many online influencers have been forcibly deprived of their influence, with some, such as the movie star Zhao Wei, having their entire presence erased from the Chinse web.
For Xi and the CCP, eliminating “decadent” TikTok-style content from China is a matter of survival, because such content is considered a herald of nihilism, a regression of humans back to beasts, a symptom of the West’s terminal illness that must be prevented from metastasizing to China.
And yet, while cracking down on this content domestically, China has continued to allow its export internationally as part of Xi’s “digital Silk Road” (数字丝绸之路). TikTok is known to censor content that displeases Beijing, such as mentions of Falun Gong or Tiananmen Square, but otherwise it has free rein to show Westerners what it wants; “tittytainment” and “sissy men” are everywhere on the app. So why the hypocritical disparity in rules? Is the digital Silk Road intended as poetic justice for the original Silk Road, whereby the Western powers preached Christian values while trafficking chemical TikTok—opium—into China?
Since Wang and Xi believe the West is too decadent to survive, they may have opted to take the Taoist path of wu wei (無為), which is to say, sit back and let the West’s appetites take it where they will. But there’s another, more sinister and effective approach they may have adopted. To understand it, we must consider one final piece of the puzzle: an amphetamine-fueled philosopher who lived in my hometown.
III. The Matricide Laboratory
At first glance the British philosopher Nick Land could hardly be more different from Wang Huning. Wang rose to prominence by being dour, discreet, and composed, while Land rose to prominence by ranting about cyborg apocalypses while out of his mind on weed and speed. In the late 1990s Land moved into a house once owned by the Satanist libertine Aleister Crowley (half a mile from where I grew up), and there he apparently binged on drugs and scrawled occult diagrams on the walls. At nearby Warwick University where he taught, his lectures were often bizarre (one infamous “lesson” consisted of Land lying on the floor, croaking into a mic, while frenetic jungle music pulsed in the background.)
 
Land and Wang were not just polar opposites in personality; they also operated at opposite ends of the political spectrum. While Wang would go on to be the top ideological theorist of the Chinese Communist Party, Land would become the top theorist (with Curtis Yarvin) of the influential network of far-right bloggers, NRx.
And yet, despite their opposite natures, Land and Wang would develop almost identical visions of liberal capitalism as an all-commodifying, all devouring force, driven by the insatiable hunger of blind market forces, and destined to finally eat Western civilization itself.
Land viewed Western liberal capitalism as a kind of AI that’s reached the singularity; in other words, an AI that’s grown beyond the control of humans and is now unstoppably accelerating toward inhuman ends. As Land feverishly wrote in his 1995 essay, “Meltdown:”
“The story goes like this: Earth is captured by a technocapital singularity as renaissance rationalitization and oceanic navigation lock into commoditization take-off. Logistically accelerating techno-economic interactivity crumbles social order in auto-sophisticating machine runaway.”
Land’s drug-fueled prose is overwrought, so to simplify his point, Western capitalism can be compared to a “paperclip maximizer,” a hypothetical AI programmed by a paperclip business to produce as many paperclips as possible, which leads it to begin recycling everything on earth into paperclips (commodities). When the programmers panic and try to switch it off, the AI turns them into paperclips, since being switched off would stop it fulfilling its goal of creating as many paperclips as possible. Thus, the blind application of short term goals leads to long term ruin.
Land believed that, since the runaway AI we call liberal capitalism commodifies everything, including even criticisms of it (which are necessarily published for profit), it cannot be opposed. Every attack on it becomes part of it. Thus, if one wishes to change it, the only way is to accelerate it along its trajectory. As Land stated in a later, more sober writing style:
“The point of an analysis of capitalism, or of nihilism, is to do more of it. The process is not to be critiqued. The process is the critique, feeding back into itself, as it escalates. The only way forward is through, which means further in.”
—A Quick-and-Dirty Introduction to Accelerationism (2017)
This view, that the current system must be accelerated to be transformed, has since become known as “accelerationism.” For Land, acceleration is not just a destructive force but also a creative one; he came to believe that all democracies accelerate toward ruin but a visionary despot unfettered by the concerns of the masses could accelerate a country to prosperity.
Land’s own life followed the same course he envisioned for the liberal West; following years of high productivity, he fell into nihilism and the decadence of rampant drug use, which drove him to a nervous breakdown. Upon recovering in 2002, he embraced authoritarianism, moved to Shanghai, and began writing for Chinese state media outlets like China Daily and the Shanghai Star.
A few years after Land moved to China, talk of accelerationism began to emerge on the Chinese web, where it’s become known by its Chinese name, jiasuzhuyi (加速主义). The term has caught on among Chinese democracy advocates, many of whom view the CCP as the runaway AI, hurtling toward greater tyranny; they even refer to Xi as “Accelerator-in-Chief” (总加速师).
Domestically, Chinese democracy activists try to accelerate the CCP’s authoritarianism ad absurdum; one tactic is to swamp official tip-off lines with reports of minor or made-up infractions, with the intent of breaking the Party by forcing it to enforce all of its own petty rules.
As for the CCP itself, it’s known to have viewed former US president Donald Trump as the “Accelerator-in-Chief,” or, more accurately, “Chuan Jianguo” (川建国: literally “Build China Trump”) because he was perceived as helping China by accelerating the West’s decline. For this reason, support of him was encouraged. The CCP is also known to have engaged in jiasuzhuyi more directly; for instance, during the 2020 US race riots, China used Western social media platforms to douse accelerant over US racial tensions.
But the use of TikTok as an accelerant is a whole new scale of accelerationism, one much closer to Land’s original, apocalyptic vision. Liberal capitalism is about making people work in order to obtain pleasurable things, and for decades it’s been moving toward shortening the delay between desire and gratification, because that’s what consumers want.
Over the past century the market has taken us toward ever shorter-form entertainment, from cinema in the early 1900s, to TV mid-century, to minutes-long YouTube videos, to seconds-long TikTok clips. With TikTok the delay between desire and gratification is almost instant; there’s no longer any patience or effort needed to obtain the reward, so our mental faculties fall into disuse and disrepair.
And this is why TikTok could prove such a devastating geopolitical weapon. Slowly but steadily it could turn the West’s youth—its future—into perpetually distracted dopamine junkies ill-equipped to maintain the civilization built by their ancestors.
We seem to be halfway there already: not only has there been gray matter shrinkage in smartphone-addicted individuals, but, since 1970 the Western average IQ has been steadily falling. Though the decline likely has several causes, it began with the first generation to grow up with widespread TVs in homes, and common sense suggests it’s at least partly the result of technology making the attainment of satisfaction increasingly effortless, so that we spend ever more of our time in a passive, vegetative state. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
And even those still willing to use their brains are at risk of having their efforts foiled by social media, which seems to be affecting not just kids’ abilities but also their aspirations; in a survey asking American and Chinese children what job they most wanted, the top answer among Chinese kids was “astronaut,” and the top answer among American kids was “influencer.”
If we continue along our present course, the resulting loss of brainpower in key fields could, years from now, begin to harm the West economically. But, more importantly, if it did it would help discredit the very notion of Western liberalism itself, since there is no greater counterargument to a system than to see it destroy itself. And so the CCP would benefit doubly from this outcome: ruin the West and refute it; two birds with one stone (or as they say in China, 箭双雕: one arrow, two eagles.)
So, the CCP has both the means and the motive to help the West defeat itself, and part of this could conceivably involve the use of TikTok to accelerate liberal capitalism by closing the gap between desire and gratification.
Now, it could be argued that we have no hard evidence of the CCP’s intentions, only a set of indications. However, ultimately the CCP’s intentions are irrelevant. Accelerationism can’t alter an outcome, only hasten it. And TikTok, whether or not it’s actively intended as a weapon, is only moving the West further along the course it’s long been headed: toward more effortless pleasure, and resulting cognitive decline.
The problem, therefore, is not China, but us. America Against America. If TikTok is not a murder weapon, then it’s a suicide weapon. China has given the West the means to kill itself, but the death wish is wholly the West’s. After all, TikTok dominated our culture as a result of free market forces—the very thing we live by. Land and Wang are correct that the West being controlled by everyone means it’s controlled by no one, and without brakes or a steering wheel we’re at the market’s mercy.
Of course, democracies do have some regulatory power. Indian lawmakers banned TikTok in 2020, and US lawmakers are now considering the same. However, while this may stop the theft of our data, it won’t stop the theft of our attention; if TikTok is banned then another short-form video site will just take its place. Effortless dopamine hits are what consumers want, and capitalism always tries to give consumers what they want. Anticipating the demand, YouTube has added its own TikTok-style “YouTube Shorts” format, and Twitter recently implemented its own version of TikTok’s For You algorithm. The market is a greater accelerator than China could ever hope to be.
So what’s the solution?
Land and Wang may be right about the illness, but they’re wrong about the cure. It’s true that we in the West have little left of the traditions that once tied us together, and in their absence all that unites us are our animal hungers. But Wang’s belief that meaning and purpose can be miraculously imposed on us all by a strongman leader is just a fantasy that has littered history with failed experiments.
Sure, democracies are vulnerable because there’s no one controlling their advancement, but autocracies are vulnerable precisely for the opposite reason: they’re controlled by people, which is to say, by woefully myopic apes. China is currently suffering from the myopia of Xi’s zero-covid policy, which has ravaged the country’s economy, and from the disastrous one-child policy that’s led to China’s current population crisis. For all our problems, we’d be unwise to exchange the soft tyranny of dopamine for the hard tyranny of despots.
That leaves only one solution: the democratic one. In a democracy responsibility is also democratized, so parents must look out for their own kids. There’s a market for this, too: various brands of parental controls can be set on devices to limit kids’ access (though many of these, including TikTok’s own controls, can be easily bypassed.)
But ultimately these are short term measures. In the long term the only way to prevent digital dementia is to raise awareness of the neurological ruin wrought by apps like TikTok, exposing their ugliness so they fall out of fashion like cigarettes. If the weakness of liberalism is its openness, then this is also its strength; word can travel far in democracies.
We’ll surely sound like alarmists; TikTok destroys so gradually that it seems harmless. But if the app is a time-bomb that’ll wreck a whole generation years from now, then we can’t wait till its effects are apparent before acting, for then it will be too late.
The clock is ticking.
Tik. Tok…
 
I just shit and cum.
FAQ
What does this mean?
The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.
Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:
Being gay
Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it
walter
Am I going to shit and cum too?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.
I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.
How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
 
I just came in your asshole.
I just came in your asshole.
FAQ
What does this mean?
A large load of baby gravy has been transferred from my testicles into your rectum.
Why did I do this?
There are several reasons why I came in your ass. These include, but are not limited to:
Your comment turned me on
You are cute
Your dad was too busy
How did I do this?
I rammed your rectum with my handsome hog until I turned you into a frosting factory.
Why am I telling you about this?
Your ass will be leaking cum for at least 36 hours and may be a slipping hazard. Also you might be gay.
How can you avoid this in the future?
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My wife (37f) just queefed on my face (15m) and now I want a divorce. Am I the asshole?
So pretty much I was eating her out and then her coochie lips burped RIGHT ON MY FACE and it smelled like an old gingerbread cookie 💀 so then I stopped and went to the bathroom so I can throw up in the shower but she walked in on me and the smell was still lingering in the air so I started puking even harder and now she's pissed because I can't accept her pussy farts for how they smell. Now I want a divorce and I think she does too. Am I the asshole?