Edge Game

82 - Kill Doctors (feat. Nicki Minaj)

I've tried to ward my house to the best of my abilities: apples near each door and window, apple-scented candles, maintaining a constant supply of apples and apple products in my kitchen. Nothing works. The doctors... they are relentless. They're clever, systematically searching for a breach in my defenses. When I close my eyes, I can feel their icy stethoscopes.
I just ate my first apple today, but it is all in vain. The ache in my knees from their mallets warns me they are drawing near. I took an apple from my kitchen to carry with me around the house. I sat down on my couch, only to hear the crinkle of wax paper beneath me. I caught a glimpse of a white coat outside my window. I wanted to believe it wasn't real, but my worst fears were realized when I heard the murmur of "What seems to be the problem here, today?"
They're here.
 
So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.
But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the Wuhan, or WuHAAN—that’s a city in China. Many people don’t know that. But the moment I heard about this Chinese flu, I ordered a test. And it’s an amazing test. We do better testing than anywhere in the world. Some say the Germans have the best tests, but they don’t. Our tests are even better.
So you’re positive for Corona. And usually “positive” is a positive word—it’s a very good word, frankly. Everybody thinks it’s good, apart from what you hear on the news—which is fake. It’s largely fake. But in medicine, “positive” is not so good. So it’s very confusing. And I’ve always been very clear about that. Some say “positive” is always good, but I’ve never agreed with that.
So you’re positive for the Corona. But you’ll be fine. Totally fine. You might think you’re going to die—and everybody does die, eventually. But you’ll be fine. You feel fine, right? You won’t need a ventilator. There are no ventilators—but you won’t need one.
How old are you, 55? You won’t need one. Some people need a ventilator, and they’re amazing machines. Did you know the first ventilator was made by Henry Ford? It’s an incredible piece of equipment. But you’ll be fine.
The virus gets into your lungs, which is where you breathe. But you have two of them. Some say you have a spare. Some people only have one lung. It’s true. But I don’t talk about spares. I always want both. Given a choice, I want two lungs.
So I’ve asked nurse—what’s your name, Nancy?—I’ve asked nurse Nancy to keep you comfortable. And Nancy is one of our finest nurses. I mean, just look at her. Incredible, right? Nancy, you’re really incredible. You’re not afraid of Corona, are you, the Chinese Plague? I didn’t think so. Nancy will bring you whatever you need. And if you start coughing, do that into your elbow, so you don’t make a mess. Okay, you’re doing great. I’ll see you later.

81 - Exploit Your Poverty (feat. Chris Hedges)

www.goodluckgabe.life 
 
Now I get it. Candy Crush is violent, complex, and takes literally thousands of hours to master. But let me tell you: it is worth it. I just started playing Candy Crush on my PC, and the graphics are just so good. I mean, some level 1 carpenters like Fortnite, and some level 50 mafia bosses play Minecraft. But only level 3000 supreme pewds-level beings can understand the brilliance behind this game. I mean, the 3D graphics make me feel like I’m actually in Vietnam. In fact, the other day, I got this crazy Candy Crush PTSD as I thought about all the honorable Soviet comrades I had lost in the war for r/unexpectedcommunism. Well anyway, thanks for understanding my meth addiction, and I hope all of you can see Candy Crush the way that I do.
 
I'm supposed to be playing FarmVille but this one player keeps cutting my grass!
Is it TheMexican27?
Yeah, TheMexican27!
Who is TheMexican27?
Some say TheMexican27 is the first Farmville player ever, born from Latin America.
I heard TheMexican27 can cut grass better by hand than a lawnmower.
I heard TheMexican27 can cut an entire field of grass with a single blow.
But the worst part is, just when you think you're safe, just when you think you might escape; WHAM!!! Just like that!
YOUR FRONT YARD HAS BEEN TRIMMED What!? No no no no no no no no!
BUSHES UNDER ATTACK That's impossible!
YOUR LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN CAPTURED TheMexican27 has captured my lawnmower!
Mine too!
Aw, you guys, I'm sure it's not that bad!
You have no idea what just happened.
I might have some idea...
"Welcome back, TheMexican27"
FarmVille: Play for free on the app store.
 
I👨am a😀 🎮GAMER🎮, not🚫🙅because I😤don't have a life☮️😍 but🍑because I👮 hate😠 ♀WOMEN♀ and 👩🏿MINORITIES👦🏿
👉👀I 🎮play👩girl👩characters 🍀for the 📑PLOT!🍑😤😤
I👀✌am🙅‍♀NOT🚫a😏pervert😫💦, I 🤬swear!😳
🎮 GAMERS 🎮 hate ❌ women 👩🏻👩🏼👩🏽whether 🌦 it is justified ✅ or not ⛔️
LISTEN 🗣🔊🗨HERE 😤😤😲VERONICA👧👩, IF YOU👈 REJECT 😭😢😢☹ME🕹🎮 FROM 😍😍DATING💄💄👠👡👢 YOU AGAIN😩😩, I'LL 👹👹REJECT 😖😖😡YOU 👩👧👧FROM😠😠 LIFE🗡🔫🔫❗❗
Gamers 🔌🎮 are 🙏 arguably one 🚟🙀 of the most 🔝 persecuted classes in 🏢👏 history. 🤓📚 Unlike minorities, nobody 🙅❌ has ever received 🚫 a 👌💰 job 💼 or 🔮💁 scholarship solely because 🙌 they're 💏 a 🚟 gamer. 😮 In 👏 fact, there 🌃🆗 has 💳❌ never ❌⏮ even 👎⏯ been 📹📹 the opportunity 📊📊 for 👅 a 🔥 gamer 👌 to 💦 self-identify 💯 as such 👌 on any 😱 sort of 💦🏫 job application, college 👥 application, or 📉🎡 standardized test 😬😬 form. Furthermore, whereas minorities 👴 are widely considered 🤔 to 🙅💴 embody coolness and 💰 attractiveness by virtue of their 🎉⭕ race, ♀🖕 gamers have 👏✅ been ✊ historically stereotyped as nerdy and unattractive since 👨👨 the dawn of 💿 our 📇 craft. When ⏰💦 minorities 👵 speak 👄 out 😓 in the media about 💦💦 whitewashing, appropriation, and 💛 similar 👱 intrusions into 🚪➡ their ☝ exclusive culture ⛩ and values, 💰💰 they 🏻👥 are 🔄💰 universally lauded. However, 💯💯 when a 💰 gamer raises a comparable concern 😕😕 about 💦 our 🍂💰 community, 👩💰 we 👥 are 🔢 branded as 👦🏿 sexist, racist, misogynistic, and similar 👱 slurs, and accused of 👉😎 overreacting. Gamers 😎🔌 are 😬 undeniably subject 📐 to 💊🏻 excessive and 💆🐟 extremely ☣🏆 detrimental discrimination. 👮 The same 🅱♀ cannot ⚠🙅 be said 💦 for 🍆👊 racial minorities.
Chicks💋👧🏼thinking the green dude👦🏼❇️in Breath Of The Wild☁️🌬is called Zelda👀😂stop being posers😡😩👋🏻educate yourself🎓📈his name is Luigi👨🏻🙄
Gamers 😾🎮 Rise 💪 Up 👆! United 🤝 we 🌏 strong 💪😡. Neckbeard 🧔🎩 if alone 😿. It's stupid 🤪 you may say 🗣. But 🖐 games 👾 are our 💪 way 🏅.
DontMessWithUs! 🎮🔫🖱😾🔪💣🛡
Hi👋! Few things ✌to start off with =] 😅1. Yes ✅ I added ➕ you 👉👤 because ∵ you're 👉👤 a female 🚺 gamer 🎮👤, 'tis 🎩 an awesome 🤙🙆‍♀️ thing to see 👀! 2. I am Brian 👋👦. 3. do not🚫 be intimidated 😱😩, but I am not 🚫 🙅‍♂️a stereotypical guy 🙅‍♂️👨‍🎤. If anything 🙄, I'll be the one 🔥👨‍🍳 in the kitchen 👨‍🍳 🍆💦😩 =D.
🙇 My 👈 name 📖 is not 🙅 important ❌ what❓is important ✅ is what ❓Im 👱🏻 going ▶️ to 2️⃣ do. 🏃 I 👍 just fucking ♋️ hate 😡 this world 🌎 and the human 👦 worms 🐛 feasting 🍝 on ⬇️ its 🌏 carcass. 😵 my 👈 whole 👐 life 👶 is just 🅾️ cold ❄️ bitter 😖 hatred 😒 and I 👱🏻 always wanted 😃 to 2️⃣ die 😔 violently. 🔨 this is 👉 the time ⏱ of vengeance 😠 and no 🤚 life 👨🏻‍💼 is worth 💵 saving 📲 and I 🙃 will put 🤜 in👇 the grave ⚰️ as many 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 as I 🤚can ☺️its👇 time ⌚️ for me 😶 to 🚻 kill 🗡 and it's 👌 time ⏲ for me 👀 to 2️⃣ die✖️ my🙎‍♂️ genocide 💀 crusade 💂‍♀️ begins🌟 here👇
To 😂 🅱e fair ✔, you 😂 have to 😅 have a very 👌 high ⬆ IQ 📐to provide players 🎮with a 😂 sense 🎥 of pride 🇺🇸 and accomplishment 🎉. The unlocks 🔐 are extremely 💯 su🅱tle 😶, and without 💯 a solid 🎱 grasp 👌 of selecting 👍 initial 💵 values 📈 🅱ased upon 😂 data 📊 from the Open 💯 🅱eta, 🅱attlefront 2⃣ will go ⏩ over ⏫ a typical 😂 gamers 🎮 head 😂. There's also ➕ EA's other 😂 adjustments 🔧 made to 💯 milestone 🚗 rewards 🎁 🅱efore 👈 launch 🚀, which are 💯 deftly 💯 woven 👌 into this game 🎮 development 🔬- the game's 🎮 philosophy 🎭 draws 🎨heavily 🔨 from average 😂 per-player 🎮 credit 💳 earn 💵 rates 📉, for instance 💯. The gamers 🎮 understand 😂 this stuff 👌; they have 😂 the intellectual 📚 capacity 💾 to truly 💯 appreciate 👌 that we'll 🅱e 😂making 🔨 constant 🔆 adjustments 📉, to realise 😂 that it's not 👎 just fun 😂- they say 👄 something deep 💩 a🅱out 🎮🎮 GAMES 🎮🎮. As a 😂 consequence 👎people 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 who dislike 💯 E🅰 truly ARE ✅ idiots😂😂😂 - of course 😂 they wouldn't 👇 appreciate 👌, for instance 💯, that we 💰 ensure 👌 that players 🎮 have challenges 😖 that are 💯 compelling 😂, rewarding 😂, and 😂 of 😂 course 😂 attainable 😂 . I'm smirking 😂😂😂 right now 💯 just imagining 🔬 one of 💯 those a🅱🅱lepated 😂 simpletons 😂 scratching 🔨 their heads 😂 in confusion 😵 as Mat Everett's genius 🔬 wit 🔬 unfolds 📂 itself on 💯 their computer 📺 screens 📺. What fools 😂.. how I pity 🔫 them. 😂 And ☑ yes 👌 , 🅱y 💰 the 💰 way, i DO 👌have a Mass 🔨️ Effect tattoo 🎨. And no 👎, you cannot 👎 see 🙉️ it. It's for appreciative 💯 gamers' 🎮 eyes 🔭 only- and even 😂 then they 💯 have to 😂 demonstrate 🔮 that they're 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦 within 👌 5⃣ IQ 📚 points 📝 of my own 😂 (preferably lower ⬇) 🅱eforehand 👐. Nothin personnel kid 😎
Hey theyre GAMERS!!:😏 😏 😜 just wanted👌 to let yall all know👀 that if i 🚫 dont❌ talk😂 🤐 for a while 🕥 , it's probably 🤔 think b'cuz 👀 i 👀 tried to 👌 commit 👀 😱 suicide!!! 👀 I may have 💦 succeeded, but 👀 I will just 🤔 probably 🅱 in a 🤔 mental 🤔 🏥 hospital!! Just remember to 👌 👈 💦 SMASH 💯 that motherfuccing like 👍 button, and leave :🍁 a comment in the section 👇 below
While most 💯 teens 👦👦 get caught 😵😵😨 watching 👀 NAUGHTY 😳👀 VIDEOS 📽📺 late at night 🌙🌙🌚 I get caught 😵😨😵 playing VIDEO GAMES 🖲😎 LIKE 👍👍 AND RT 🔃🔄 AND SHARE 👌👌AND FOLLOW👏👌👌 IF YOU'RE A TRUE 😂😩👀 EPIC CHRISTIAN 📿😎😎 GAMER 😎😎😎😎😎
Excuse me😲 m'lady🙏, but is that a Nintendo 3⚂DS🔲⁉️? I appreciate 😙that a woman💇‍♀️ such as yourself 🔱is trying to get into gaming🖱 and I think that's great🤣. But you can't✋ call🔊 yourself a gamer🤓 like me 🤣unless you carry😣 your 15lb 💪alienware 👽laptop💻 with mouse🖲 and headphones 🎧wherever you go💃. As a true😇 gamer,🤓 I am of the most elite😏 so I understand that blank stare😐 you're giving 🎅me🤣. I'll tell🙋‍♂️ you what though, if you🤦‍♀️ ever want to be my pocket 😇healer😇 in 🚫Overwatch🚫, you can add➕ me. My username🔠 is 😎Thunder_Rafiki_God 😎and I'm in low gold🏅 due to shit💩 teammates🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️.
iPhone 📱 is 💦 the 👏 best 👌 console, and 👏 nobody could 🔒 ever 😠 fucking 👉 speak 🙊 against 🚫 it. 💯 When 🍑 I 👁 first 👆 got 🍸 an 👹 iPhone, 📱 I 👁 was 👏 so 💯 excited 😍 that 😐 I 👁 wouldn't 😩 be 🐝 trashy anymore. 🔥 I 👁 got 🍸 so 💯 many 👬 friends 👫 with 👏 the 👏 iPhone 📱 5C's stunning colors and 👏 sexyness, and 👏 that 😐 isn't even 🌃 half 💀 of 💦 it. 💯 It 💯 has 👏 over 👏 30 📅 GB worth 💸 of 💦 data. 📉 I 👁 was 👏 able 💪 to 💦 store, 🏪 if 👏 I 👁 recall, 🔞 10,000 photos 📷 and 👏 it 💯 would 👪 only 🕦 take 👊 up 🔺 4 💦 gigabytes. It 💯 would 👪 play 🎮 games 🎮 that 😐 would 👪 seem laggy to 💦 a 👌 console and 👏 turn 💃 it 💯 into 👉 a 👌 lagless portable experience. 🖐 I 👁 am 👏 a 👌 true 💯 fucking 👉 gamer, 🙋 I 👁 play 🎮 Angry 😡 Birds, 🐓 Fruit 🍒 Ninja, Flappy Bird, 🐣 and 👏 Clash of 💦 Clans daily, 🕢 I 👁 can 💦 message 📧 friends 👫 and 👏 stay 💒 up 🔺 to 💦 date, 📆 I 👁 can 💦 talk 💬 to 💦 people 👨 with 👏 my 👨 face 😀 and 👏 always 🔥 remember 💭 how 💯 my 👨 friends 👫 looked 👀 like, 💖 I 👁 can 💦 take 👊 endless photos 📷 with 👏 no 🙅 worry 😟 about 💦 using 🏻 data, 📉 and 👏 I 👁 could 🔒 browse infinite pages of 💦 the 👏 internet, 💻 which 👏 a 👌 shitty 💩 console can't 🚫 do. 👌 The 👏 PC, Wii, PS4, and 👏 Xbox 1 🎄 can't 🚫 do 👌 any 💦 of 💦 this 👈 shit. 💩 Compete 💯 with 👏 that, 😐 consoletards. Also, 👨 nice 🔥 trolling fucko, with 👏 you're 👉 not 🚫 including you're 👉 fucking 👉 iPhone, 📱 get 🔟 your 👏 facts strate Android fuckers 👏

80 - Catching Up (feat. Caitlyn Jenner)

I've never felt more retarded
What's the point of being so painfully self conscious if you're not gonna be equally self aware
Blow up Lancaster Pennsylvania
 
I thought my childhood giftedness was social/emotional intelligence and now i want to be a domestic terrorist
I have a strong aversion to any reference to giftedness as an educational concept because to me it just represented added pressure and unrealistic expectations from my mom and myself that set us up for failure. The culmination being the time I got caught plagiarizing and my mom sat dead silent while my gifted teach explained why plagiarism was wrong and as soon as we got in the car she exploded and drove erratically for the next 15 minutes home before collapsing on the couch and wailing about how my life was ruined and having to go into the garage to call Cindy for help because apparently I wasn't prepared for that moment at 16 despite seeing bits and pieces of moms fragility and desperation and general neuroticism up to that point. But it got real bad after that. Just constantly threatening to have me move in with dad with no explanation of what was going on or something for me to correct. Just whatever displeased her at that time. I was scared. 
 
Her kicking me out was good for me but not for the reasons she thought, I think. Otherwise I would have been scared of being cut off for the rest of my life, or at least well into my adulthood. And now I cut people off preemptively because I never want to be pushed out like that again. I do the pushing. I make the rules. Anyone who challenges me is wrong and I move on with my life immediately. I have no interest in compromise. I want to die enough as it is. I'm tired enough as it is. That is what she felt. That is what she thought. That is what she expressed through her words and actions. I was at her whim. And now I do the same to others, because I am tired. And I see no benefit in doing anything differently. I get my mom completely and now I have to cut her off. It is what she would have done. And it is for the best.
Having this shitty relationship with mom sucks cuz it's all I think about and relate to and I feel completely alone in it all the time. Everyone has moms but nobody has each other's mom except for siblings. My mom is a mom a sibling a spouse and most of all a completely insane and frighteningly unpredictable stranger who will haunt me for the rest of my life living or dead. I am so weak and I'm obsessed with my mom and the pain she's caused. It's so familiar and uncomfortable and I return to it immediately when I am challenged. I use her as an excuse to fail. I use her as an excuse to cry and weep and feel bad about myself and my life. I use her when I'm angry when I'm upset when I want to fucking die. She is every negative emotion I'm capable of feeling. And so I am reminded of her in every moment. I am emotional and it's been negative for years. Her death brings no relief, only permission to cry. Her death brings no pain, only blood pooling in my stomach.
Also I'm gay
 
I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment.
Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.
If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account.
I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit!
Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.

79 - Memorialize Your Facebook (feat. Mark Zuckerberg)

In the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out.
Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated.
That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along.
Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg finally withdrew when Moritz flung a poop at him.
30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room.
Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR catastrophe, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a calamity for the company.
Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason'.
Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because it's not FUCKING NORMAL'.
Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist.
Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence.
When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations.
He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy.
In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap.
Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized.
Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop.
Are you going to let him?
 
Yeah I said it. You might be offended. You’ve probably heard this a thousand times before, but believe me you will hear it again. Because it’s deserved. You’re French. A parasite. A slug. A leech. A failure. But, of course, you may think I don’t have evidence to justify this. But you are wrong, as always, your failures stand out like a shining pile of manure among your pristine neighbors. So let me begin. First off, your cuisine. Dogshit. What have you got? Spoiled milk that smells like shit. Okay what else? Alcohol because you need to drown yourself in wine to escape your life. Sounds right. Frog legs? Snails? Yeah, that seems about right for you. But cusine doesn’t matter compared to your successes or lack thereof. What is you history? A long, long list of failures and losses. So let’s start off. The Gauls getting invaded and conquered by the Romans before getting conquered by the Germanic tribes. Getting invaded by the Vikings and forced to give up Normandy to them. You might say you conquered England, but no, those were the Normans who were Viking descendants and actually fucking useful. The Hundred Years’ War. Which you lost. You even needed God to send you a warrior to try to save your sorry ass. Then what? Following the Spanish and Portuguese discovered to the New World and being kicked out of all the good land to an icy tundra. Server you right. Brutally enslaving people in Haiti? No surprise. And then proceeding to demand reputations for their revolt, which you failed to stop, until the mid 20th century, which was what kept your country barley afloat. Then your rulers were so incompetent they were all killed and you had a revolt. Then Napoleon, who wasn’t even born in modern French territory, cause you lost it, and then proceeded to lose. And then you were appointed a monarch by Britain. You even had to sell most of your territory in America, which you couldn’t develop or protect, to the U.S. Then WW1 were with the help of all the allied nations you barley managed to stop the Germans from getting to Paris. Then you built the Maginot line because you knew you couldn’t stop them normally but you built it where they didn’t even attack last time and didn’t finish it. Then they attacked around it, surprised, and you were turned into a puppet nation of the Nazi surrendering almost immediately. Hell, French guards were some of Hitlers last men. It took the combined forces of all of the Allies to actually help you and kick the Nazis out for you. You’ve had so, so may revolutions since then because of your incompetence. You want to talk about shootings in the U.S? Well how about your history of bloodshed violence and failure. Unrest? Look at all your riots. Hell, at one point your naval flag was a white flag. TF2? Yeah you play spy cause you can’t even fight correctly. What are you known for? Failure. Justly, you are losers, and always will be. Go fuck yourselves and become a decent country like your neighbors. But that’s not all. Speaking of your neighbors, let’s look at their successes. Spain and Portugal actually have good food and managed to colonize almost the entirety of South and Central America, conquering Empires and making a name. Britain, controlling almost a 1/4 of the land on Earth and kicking your ass almost every time. Germany, the heart of the E.U, able to fight against the entirety of Europe twice in a row, the Holy Roman Empire, fighting and controlling the Pope? Inventing Lutheranism and the printing press? Oh how about Poland, the winged Hussars, all of them coming together to fend off the Ottomans and Mongols. Italy, with some of the best cuisine in the world, the Roman Empire, which kicked your ass, the Pope, the Church, Florence, Rome, incredibly important. All of them so, so much better than you. Of course, you might say the past is no indication of the future. And you have a bit of a point. But really, what have you done? There is a short, short list of deeds in which you have not failed. You have an unstable, failing government. You have a weaker military than UK, U.S, China, etc, etc. You are by far the weakest member on the UN Security Council, an unfunny joke, a gag. Your economy is weaker than any of these good nations. Your “luxury” products suck and and overpriced shit shows. Culturally, you have jack shit. You seem to have missed out on the Renaissance and basically every other period of advancement. Ethically, you hate migrants, in fact you hate everyone. Your national anthem is so fucking baton is listing despite having nothing to be proud of, talking about using countries as fertilizer, yeah bud that’s not going to happen. One thing you did good was have nuclear energy, but your government realized its mistake in doing something halfway fucking decent for once and is now removing power plants and nuclear energy. So fuck off. You are a failure without anything good to say for yourself. Not one accomplishment. Nobody wants you. They pity you for the whole you’ve dug yourself in. You will not get my respect or sympathy. So leave, and never come back.

78 - Kill Real Estate Agents (feat. Jeffrey Doussan of Keller Williams New Orleans)

this is a comedy ""podcast"" btw believe it or not. It is a joke, it is parody, it is satire. It is not serious; it is not meant to be taken seriously. I do not condone the physical harming or even light harassment of real estate agents in any way shape or form. Do not call, text, or email Jeffrey Doussan or Keller Williams of New Orleans. Do not write funny bad reviews on yelp or google or furnished finder. Do not send pipe bombs or bomb threats to his house or any of his listed properties. I mean it! If you do any of these things you will be banned from podcasts forever. Thank you enjoy the show.
Looking at rentals is really fun cuz real estate agents and property managers are some of the most redacted and oblivious people you have to trust with your livelihood. Recently I had scheduled to see a place and the guy no showed, no contact I messaged and emailed him multiple times and 3 days later he texted "apologies out of town." He then proceeds to try to reschedule immediately for the next day at 11am I say can we do 2pm he says no we can't let's do Monday 2pm I say okay Monday 2pm he says great I say great and then he says actually we can do tomorrow Friday 2pm i say perfect cool then Friday at 11am he says you must think we're crazy but we're actually just short-handed can you do monday 2pm and then i showed up today Monday at 2pm and the guy is 10 minutes late, I text the guy and he said "oh Philip's not there?" Philip the minion shows up within 1 minute of me texting, Philip says haha it's good thing our office is right around the corner and he points to a building literally right behind the rental and gives me the dorkiest fcking smile and I want to drown Philip in a puddle. We go to open the door and he doesn't have the right keypad code. I stand around in the rain for about 5 minutes while he calls and texts people and then he's like oh we can just try the other side of the duplex and I asked if the other side is the same layout and price and furnishings and he said no so I said no and so we sat in the rain for another 5 minutes and he finally gets the code and we go in. It looks like the last tenant had just left, all the lights and tvs are on and trash cans full, poop splatters on the toilet and it smells like cat piss. Despite this, I message the property manager that I am interested and would like to move forward with my application and he likes my message and says nothing else. $1400/month. a few years ago, a property manager was stunned that I requested to inspect the house before signing a legal document that said we conducted an inspection and told me I was the first person to ever do so. He addressed me as "Gay bro" in a text and it was never acknowledged $1754/month 440 sq feet #italiano #realestateagent #propertymanagement
When you were investing in real estate, I studied the blade. When you were having open houses, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted your days at the bank in pursuit of equity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for rent.
 
It's free! Real estate! We're giving you land! It's free. We're giving you a house. It's real estate. Free. It's a free house for you, Jim. This is free real estate! You gotta bring furniture, but the house is free! Two bedrooms, no rugs. It's free! You unlock the door to your free house, we got you the real estate! It's a two bedroom house, its free, its got a pool in the back. I'm not carrying this around all day! It's for your house! Free real estate, I'll pee my pants. Jim, come get your damn land. It's a free house! Jim, I got real estate. Jim, does it get better than this? Jim! The house is free! Jim! The house is free! It's a free fucking house. It's free real estate!
 
Dis shitpost is conquered by Naily, along with Wacky Workbench, UmbraSnivy, whose ego will ensure this will stay near the top, Monster Jam: Urban Assault, Taco, because youtube is where the poop is, All character userboxes, Vsauce, people who wear band t-shirts thinking it's a brand, Palm Tree Panic Will Venable busting a move on top of the dougout with Mr. Met, the letters Q, A, K, H, P, and Y, Work That Sucker To Death by Xavier (ft. George Clinton and Bootsy Collins), George W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Crazy Hand, Ampullae of Lorenzini, my sword, my bow, and my axe, The Onion, Gregorio's Tightie Whities Company, Flipnote Hatena, The 1997 World Series, Jet fuel, someone who should have been the one to fill your dark soul with LIGH-GHT! That one annoying Mets fan who interfered with a live ball and gloated by waving his mitt at David Dahl, ʎɥdʎlƃnɹəɔ Cameradancer100 singing "Hit me baby one more time," George Carlin saves President Obama from bad Indie Mu sic, Lazytown, Mother 3, Quadrupedal Dolphins, The Miami Dolphins, Miami Heat, Miami Marlins, University of Miami's Basketball Team, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Space Jam, Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80's, Samsung, Six Flags, Laffy Taffys, Donald Trump, Italian people who live in Japan and have the last name Baldelli, the italian knock off of baldis basics called baldellis basics, the real Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning, Supreme, LemonMouthTheCat, Flamer, "Don't You Evah" by Spoon, Carlos Guevara's Tweets that say "It's a good night" 90 percent of the time, the rest of Carlos Guevara's Tweets including the one where he got really really really mad because his food at Chili's was too cold or something (he even put a picture of his food with a caption saying "this angers me every time"), a runabout (She stole it! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!) Toontown Online, ShamWow, Derpyunikitty, All of MrFlamerBoy's OCs, Ruhmoat, Tubbybloxian the robloxian teletubby, Reater the Cheater, Bomby, Tim Lincecum's hair, Taylor Swift's hit single "Delicate", Houses, Tanline666 and his blog post announcing he is unblocked, asdfmovie, pineapples, Thunderstruck by ACDC Other Real Estates, The creator Takeo Ischi singing about chickens, Geno, People who release boring songs as their debut singles, Hypseleotris compressa, That spider you killed back when you were 8, A fruit fly corpse, Mr. Moseby's lobby, Flying Battery Zone, r/softwaregore, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, bruv moment, Steel beams, laser beams, pretty much every other kind of beam there is, "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic, Katajrocker, Dehumidifiers, Kayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayday AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAkamatsu, XXXTentacion's Death P.A.C.T, Tzipi Shavit, Yogurtslavia, Hiccory, Benny No, Cavendish Bananas, LeAlgae, octahedrons, Crash Twinsanity, F-Zero, Io, SpongeBob SquarePants (The Show), people who put anything before Wacky Workbench, Coiny, your pests, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, An electric guitar made out of acryllic and is filled with liquid and glitter to make a cool snow globe, two Number 9's, a Number 9 Large, a Number 6 with extra Dip, a Number 7, Two Number 45's, one with Cheese, and a large Soda. squid eyeballs, Eraser, Svalbard, Nickelodeon, Game Shakers, Oshawott, Snivy (And Tepig) SNSD Gee, Dante Bichette Sr., Dante Bichette Jr., and Bo Bichette, An Oxi Clean Container autographed by Billy Mays, My absence from this wiki, Vsauce, Nappa, The UK, KarateMario4Life, the Illuminati, Windows 10 Shop, The Battlecats, All of the squirrels in the universe, the color Amaranth, Warioware Gold, people who follow every page they edit, Mario Kart Wii, Bothus the flounder, Joanna Newsom, SammyNWIKI (and all sockpuppets thereof), a heckin y e l l o w house, Asian Carps, 8-Ball's Fumes, Some Firey hater or something, USERNAME Template, Selene vomer, Fartnut Bottle Royalty, The muffin that wants to die die die, Spicy Af Roblox Memes, The Impractical Jokers, the people who are wai --I HATE YOU (talk) 00:56, November 15, 2019 (UTC)--I HATE YOU (talk) 00:56, November 15, 2019 (UTC)--I HATE YOU (talk) 00:56, November 15, 2019 (UTC)ting for BFB 13, People who believe that this might be offensive and want it deleted but are actually good people that mean well but please listen to me we just want to make a funny joke and we aren't trying to be offensive, Giorno Giovanna, Fake Smash ultimate Leaks, 4 dozen eggs, A crazy Asian guy by the name of Kenji Johjima who is on the loose trying to steal mashed potatoes from your local Popeye's, Foxtrot comics, Chiaotzu's death scene, The now closed trollpasta wiki,Roblox Creepypasta, DANK MEMES,scrampled egg, phyllo dough, Greg Heffley's nickname "Bubby", Picross 3d Round 2, Tide pods, The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats, the ugliest myna bird in existence, PediaSure, Super Mario Odyssey, Gay People, Puzzle Body: Beware! Invading bigs! Yag People, The Elite Beat Gaents sequel that has yet to release, various kinds of loach (including but not limited to Pangio incognito, Nemacheilus selangoricus, and Chromobotia macracanthus), The numbers 47, 99, 519, 24, 963, 8, 69, 658, and 82, Nokia, Rude Buster, ₯, その言語のエスペラント, Some really dumb joke, Yuri's death scene, Three Nights At Harry's, Sony Pictures, SMG4, doggo's of all sizes, ppl who write him/her instead of them, Autism, Swordfish antlers, The people that have made Despacito a meme, The fact that i barely protect the meme from straying too far from my vision, The Disrespectoids, "You Say Run" from My Hero Acadamia, badly coded Minecraft mods, Pen Island (no spaces all caps), the Cat-Bear-Burger, Schaffrilas Productions, this mailbox, this triagonal sign, Fries’ fries, whatever the heck is on top of Bell’s string, Despacito, Despacito 2, Despacito (Justin Bieber remix), Despacito (Mini Pop Kids version), Johnny Johnny, Everything Firey and Leafy own, Baconator, Son of Baconator, Baconator Fries, Crocs, Princess Stapy, Become Woody from Roblox, Leafy, Evil Leafy, Metal Leafy, FOOTBALL, people who use the 😂 emoji unironically, Macarons, Emplemon, Macaroons, Macaroni, Pirates of the carribean 5 dead men tell no tales, kazoos, that song that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep”, blue houses, blue windows, blue corvettes, 10 million fireflies, Picross 3D, the word “bland”, that old time rock and roll, fake news, real news, fortnite dances, flan fans, non-slip shoes so ha, The Powerpuff Girls Movie, Activison, Skylanders, Tambourines, Pokemon Crystal, Club Penguin Rewritten, yay, Nickelback, the Orion Nebula, Vyond, the leg of the table you banged your toe on 5 days ago, Mistaphone, That one flavor of chip that nobody likes and is always left in the industrial-size bag, r/softwaregore videos, The Cheez-it off brands you saw at the grocery store once, Beep (the word, not the team), Sonic Advance 2, Foldy, Africa by Toto, Detective Pikachu, the person who invented the Fidget Spinner (Catherine Hettinger), congle, the Pancreas, t h e b a t h , Tomodachi Collection (the Japan exclusive), Get to the top in 500 steps, Get to the top although there is no top, Cloudy Eggs, a blob fish, jokes about various flatfish, you'er uncle, the thing she owns that you will just forget is there, you're uncle, your uncle, Catworld, people named Claudia, People born on the 22nd of any month, the Yanny or Laurel debate, 11/1/18, The slowing of editing on this template, Kleenex, Atheism, that one meme (ya'll know the one i'm talking bout ;), Flappy Bird, The Angry Birds Movie, Eggy, overly complicated descriptions of simple everyday objects, Really long lists, Fanny, Oganesson,Tomodachi Life, Any shade of Green, SAW 3D, this, all dead and/or overused memes (including but not limited to Darude - Sandstorm, Despacito, Knuckles The Echidna, Spaghet, Protegent Antivirus Scam Thing, Nano's key, Evil Patrick, Patrick Corbin, the word "pizzaz", Hide The Pain Harold, that weird dancing hot dog, Fireflies by Owl City, All Star by Smash Mouth, and Fidget Spinners, Non-Slip Shoes So Ha!, Fries, French Fries, those waffle shaped fries from chick fil a, those paper wristbands you get at festivals that you can’t take off without using scissors, jacksfilms’ forehead, katajrocker's forehead, Love Handel, VY Canis Majoris and UY Scuti, particle man, triangle man, universe man, Goku's muffin button, Four, person man, the board game Not Canon-dy Land, anything that Fanny hates, that offbrand coca-cola you buy solely because it’s cheap, FNAF 3, the 2015 film “Cool Cat Saves the Kids,” Adventure time being cancelled, The Nations of the World (brought to you by Yakko Warner), Killer Bean Forever, the word “snazzy,” b-swag's "crazy eyes" he made at you when he saw you playing with mighty beanz in the middle of class, people who disrupt the order of the meme which is bad, Deltarune Battle Theme, the “i don’t like sand” scene from attack of the clones, YEET, Taco Bell (the restaurant chain), Taco Bell (the ship/pairing consisting of two characters from BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAattle for BFDI, Taco and Bell), the girly song from that target commercial which is also used as joc pederson's walkup song, candy canes, Smeargle, Rocky, The great BBIEAL Wiki Vandalism war, The Counterfeit CaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAtworld Caper, A soft chair that looks like it has Knuckles the Echidna on it, Sherk, Mad Catz, Life After People, Tin Cans, Bracelety's signs, Osmosis Jones,Some Idiot, Free Vandalism Wiki, Tree, TWOW, a fake guy, the 4th dimension, Animorphs, Emuparadise, Loom Bracelet Kits, The Flat Earth Society, Moon Truthers, the following emoji: 🅱️,🤔, and 👏, Pink Gold Peach, the Oxford Comma (meaning the highly variable quotation mark), Oxford Comma (meaning the Vampire Weekend song), ¶, Team Ice Cube!, Rock Lobster by B-52's, JUST MONIKA, dummie Cool for Cats by Squeeze, BuzzFeed, נמר הכסף, The Klasky Csupo Robot, the statement of "I hate myself", The Leg-Powered Recovery Center, Bubsy, GameCube, The Spongebob Episode "The Paper", flan, verbose, lungfish, Nailey, Tack, Loser saying the N-word, Florence + The Machine, Sarcastic Bro, The person that made this joke (Lemonmouththecat), his joke Sonic OC ALEXX THE EHCINDA, Lady and the Tramp, Sweden, North Korea memes, Homestar Runner, TV Tropes, Bandicam, Bunkbeds, Gorillaz (both the band and the album), Ol' Reliable, Cloudchaser, The Story of PrettySilverFlower, The story about a little guy that lives in a blue world and all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue like him inside and outside, Abandonment, me, Jakks-Pacific Spongebob Plug-N-Play from 2003, Never Gonna Give You Up, the Patapon series, that blue balloon, the 21st night of september, Sawcon, The Boulevard of Broken Dreams (wherever that is), yesn’t, that one scene from bfb 6 where tb and gb are staring at each other while rapidly moving their eyebrows up and down, Ggggkkyfjugjjoigtt, the rains down in Africa, any bad joke that has to do with Eraser farting on 8-Ball, all the memes that have been popular on the Internet, that fourth Chaos emerald, NORMIES, Funky Kong, FЯED, Book eating Doritos, The song "and the daAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy goes on" by Bill WuUUUUUUUUUUUUrtz, ВИD of Doom, FCO, the entire universe aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAs we know it, Alemagno12, you're mom gayest lmao, 👌😂💯, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, NEW FUNKY MODE, the 2016 republican debate, your mom, The bad clones of this meme including MARKER OWNS YOU, bat and all of her ocs, the Disney movie "Mars Needs Moms", NailyLovesYou, bomby not finishing his banana, everything THICC, Yuli Gurriel's "Asian Eyes", Guile, bow, BTS, Monsta X, BFDI The Show, Micheal's bleached hair, Adam Lind's bleached hair, repetition, repetition, The Netflix Original "True And The Rainbow Kingdom", The time when Free Vandalism Wiki was shut down, MrFlamerBoy's demotion, Mr Perfect Cell, Kalen Spagatini didn't get his up to bat, a bronze exclamation mark sideways 90° that's rainbow and has spots where the spots invert the rainbow and has a left square bracket on it, The Holders, the entire Danganronpa fan base, Rapsittie Street Kids, ur own squad fam, Hopsin, FUNK VOLUME, Undercover Prodigy, Ill Mind Of Hopsin 8, Hopsin's hit "Sag my Pants", Charmx's intro song "Hey Mami", The Vamparina theme song, cockatiels, benny worm, dame tu cosita, baka-chan, buffsuki, trollface, being globally blocked, a red blanket, Hong Kong 97, poopy mayonnaise, noo noo from teletubbies, [[User:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]] ([[User talk:{{{1}}}|talk]] · [[Special:Contributions/{{{1}}}|contribs]]), natsuki, Hatsune miku, red glasses, BoCo the Diesel Engine, Mike wazowski, meowstic, Kittenwolfie's edgy furry oc, Super Saiyan soup, ramen noodles, r/woosh, BRIGHT SIDE, youareanidiot.com, Cloudy eggs, Mad Mew Mew, Annoying orange, Spoilers, 4our, Any form of parrot, The mandela effect, Numberjacks, Cubeez, Whenever cary swears, The Episode of Annoying Orange: "Incognito Burrito", Ali-A, a banana next to a banana, eggs with legs, GMO, My singing monsters and all its monsters, mushroom soup, Somebody toucha my Spaghet, dropping by Squidward's house, World of Light memes, Linus the Lionhearted, The TATRK episode Zappy Cling, Daniel Lenz's Hit "Groovin' Now" which he stupidly sold to 2K Sports (bad move Daniel!), Dumb Subliminal Transformation videos, YTP, Bleh, ToonMarty, Prism Entertainment, Digiview Entertainment, Doritos, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, NOT Coke, High-Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar, Kool-Aid, Tart Like Cherries, Sweet Like Chocolate, the Mr. Bean game for the PS2, Jayfeather's stick, Elf on the shelf, BFDIA 6, Cristali, Some edgy furry, Roblox memes, Vaporwave, Everyone who is pangender, Tumblr, Limp bizkit, Joshua and the promised land, Exactly 36 tumblr genders, that one kid who inhaled a peanut, Shiny cowards, Man eating food, The return of applesmack, Daisy Cruiser, Where's the chapstick 4am freestyle, Ratboygenius, Cyriak, Google deep dream, indian tech support scammers, Ralsei, People who still say "Swag", my crush says swag, Biggie Smalls and TupaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAc, Everybody Loves Raymond, Starkit's prophcy, Poopsy the killer, Yo Mama so Rich! Fortnite, SCP-999, santa.exe bloodfinger, Exploding human J, Jason vorhees, Dnd starter sets, Thornclaw the patrol guy, HeyHowdyHey05, FurAffinity, People who post aesthetic stuff too much, Rhyme city, Fiddy cents, Fluffy rabbits who look like cloudy, Unironic TikToks, Putting cold spoons on your eyes to make them look bigger, Wikihow, EvanTubeHD, The cinnamon challenge, People who say "Styoobid", THIS USER HAAAATTEES NICKEL AND WANTS TO KICK HIM IN HIS OOBILY GOOBILY WEEZER BEEZERS UNTIL HE'S HOLY-ROLY-POLY GUACOMOLE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!, The words "Freestyle, Goofy," and "Teapot", Boops, Dutch angel dragons, Everything deltarune jevil owns, that fact this account exists, Kids who sign up for neopets in 2019, Blue budgies and blue budgies only, Sonichu, r/thathappened, Fake van gogh paintings, Hobbykids TV, The cat from edukayfun's "Ding dong bell", People who think LOL means "Lots of love", Logitech speakers, Bootleg Gucci clothing with peppa pig on it, Quality meats, Four but in the body of dovewing from warrior cats, Pikachu mains (not pichu), That one botched art resoration, The My little pony episode "Lesson Zero", OwnagePranks, Somalia, Blixemi's "What they can't see", People who put "Xx" In their names inironically, The few people who still play bin weevils, That one instagram egg, IMVU, People who's names are "Greg Fisher" who are also 67 year old blueberry farmers with pet wombats, Chipotle, r/oldpeoplefacebook, People who stick voice control signs on a microwave, FGteev, T-series, Supreme, Watermelon Steven, That one image of the two legged cat with no ears, Billystorm, Skyclan's Names, Starclan, FANBOYS/FANGIRLS!!!!, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool, Tec Toy, LJN, Felix the Cat, True: Happy Hearts Day, BEST GIRL TSUYU, Tenya Iida, Tony Tony Chopper and his depressing backstory, Monkey D. Luffy and the other strawhats, all 1000 or so One Piece episodes, Dendy, Russian Genesis Bootlegs, Cool Spot, Ramu Enterprises, Speedy Gonzales, Mr. Nutz, Awesome Possum, Tricky Quiky Games: Die Suche nach den verschollenen Seiten II, Spot Goes to Hollywood, people hating Scratch 3.0, Ow the Edge, Art Alive, Woody Woodpecker, McKids (NES) Game & Watch, Eriru, GrassFire shippers and Rouxls Kaard(+pretty much everything) LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL XD ROFLMFAOMGAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH IM LITERALLY DYING RIGHT NOW HAHAHAHAHAHLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD pfffffft HAHAHAHAHAHHXDDDLLOLOLOLOL W H O D I D T H I S boi aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaa aaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaa aaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa the naily cant be sotped aa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof oof but seriously this meme has been in danger please protect it Spread The Word! what has this gone into... Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, Naily also owns some meme thing IDK, a copy of the Bee Movie and won't let you watch it because it's hers, SiIvaGunner, the SiIvaGunner King for Another Day Tournament, several cans of beans, a small green alien named Joe, PatMac, the number 2,763, KIRBY'S SCREAMING ADVENTURE, a pink highlighter, a keychain of an orange kiwi (the bird), a keychain of an orange kiwi (the fruit), Sophie, another Sophie and another Sophie. WATCHTHE VIDEO VERSION HERE!!!!!11!!!!ONE!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcHL42j_2X81 User:LavenderSyrup User:KokomiKitten and User:PeriwinklePopcakeCat are silly girls , This is Fairy Godmother,Also who tf would dislike this m2asterpiece, oh yeah now I remember who it was it was that (censor) good for nothing (censor43) (censor)taaru. What. The Flip. hi hello hello marker owns you is a ripoff and sho7uld die itself her father isd deltarune jevil who owns the sun as well as fortnut an her siblings are starkit, ObjectMaster, Tree, subscribe to ceru ;glyphy on youtube, 🅰️, 🅱️, ©️, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z, BFDI, BFDIA, IDFB, BFB, Inanimate Insanity, Inanimate Insanity II, BOTO, Object Lockdown, NOT GMO, An idiot, A creative boi,caillou grounded party, Shrek singing despacito, Club penguin KISHKA DETON, Moqo, hi, EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AKASAKASKASKASASKSAAASKSKAKAA♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AKASAKASKASKASASKSAAASKSKAKAA♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AKASAKASKASKASASKSAAASKSKAKAA♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AKASAKASKASKASASKSAAASKSKAKAA♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AKASAKASKASKASASKSAAASKSKAKAA♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💖💖💖💖💖♥♥♥, Moto Moto, Stephen from DanPlan, Star Zone, Eddsworld is best KISHKA DETON, KISHKA DETON, APARRI, Pancaiks&Butter, pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥pee pee poo 😈🔥, the entire state of Alabama, and finally, The Naily Estate Building.

77 - Midcummer Night’s Cream (feat. Jason Derulo)

Episode 76 was removed from spotify because a really cool smart nice funny GUY reported it because they no likey it make them angry it make them upset!! awww!!! probrecito!!! as they say
 
生活打了我一巴掌，我没挺住 我给了牛至一巴掌，牛至依旧挺立 或许牛至更比我会适合做人 别人给了我一刀，我挺住了 我给了牛至一刀，牛至却倒下了 或许我比牛至更适合做牛至 我不明白是我身上长了-个牛至还是牛至身上长了个我 碰到喜欢的人 牛至都会硬一硬 而我却不敢吱声 我拿着杯子，骗牛至说这是个温暖的批牛至站起来，骗我说这是个温暖的世界 我没有女朋友，牛至很高兴，因为我可以时常抚摸它 我有了女朋友，牛至也很高兴，因为它可以.有个温暖的家 或许真的是牛牛身上长了我而不是我身上长了个牛牛
 
You will never be a real incel. You have a jawline, you decent height, you have no male pattern baldness. You are a handsome man twisted by the blackpill and memes into self-doubt and inferiority complexes.
All the "rejection" you get is only inside your head.Behind your back people like you. Your parents are proud of you, your colleagues whisper how cute you are behind closed doors.
Women are innately attracted by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out good genetics with incredible efficiency. Even women who "rejected" you would've changed their mind if you actually tried. Your facial structure is a dead giveaway.And even if you aren't exactly the type of some women,she'll introduce you to her girlfriends the moment she acknowledges your objectively good features.
You will never be truly alone. You wrench out a fake frown every single morning and tell yourself you're destined to be alone, but deep inside you feel hope blossoming like a hot spring, ready to lift you up any moment from now.
Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll install Tinder,put yourself out there, find a girlfriend, and passionate sex with her. Your parents will hear about that, relieved that you finally found the happiness they knew you deserve. They'll praise you with warmth and proudness,and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know you have gotten consensual sex from a girl. Your mind will be freed from all the doubt, and all that will remain is a man that is unmistakably successful.
This is your fate. This is what you were born into. There is no turning back.
 
My best bro Jeff turned himself into a femboy, he calls himself Crystal. Yesterday we were PVPing in Minecraft and everytime I hit him he moaned quietly, after some time I told him to stop, even though I was hard as fuck by then. He said "Tee hee, fine I'll stop b-baka(he likes japanese cartoons and comic books), look at me now." I minimized the Minecraft window and my jaw dropped, there it was on my screen. Jeff's asshole, he streamed it to me on discord, the quality was pretty good for a webcam.
My girlfriend walked into the room. Thankfully my reflexes were good enough after all those years of masturbation, I quickly minimized discord window. My gf looked me in the eyes and said "Was there your buddy Jeff's asshole on the screen just now?" Oh no, I wasn't quick enough. "Honey, it's not Jeff, it's Crystal" I mumbled. "What the fuck? It's totally Jeff, I would recognise his asshole anytim-" she stopped herself "Anyway, we are breaking up, you cheating scum!" my gf yelled and left. "Damn, bro, you ended my relationship" I said into the mic sadly. His response was "Ok, wanna fuck?"
So, folx, should I? uhmmm... auughhummmm.... do the thinggg??? 🧐😩🤔 I crave some bussy, but it is NNN after all...
 

76 - Jew Orleans (feat. Ben ”’s Sister” Shapiro)

Now, lets say, hypothetically, that somebody once told me that the world would proceed to roll me, and made the claim that I was not, the smartest tool in the shed. Which would lead us to look at the facts and see that she was looking kind of dumb, due to the fact that she had placed her finger and her thumb, in the shape of the letter L, located on her forehead.
This would mean that the years would start coming, and logically wont stop coming, that I was, hypothetically, fed to the rules, which would proceed with me hitting the ground running. Which didn’t make sense, to live for fun, in a way that your brain gets smart, yet your head gets dumb, seeing as there’s so much to do, and so much to see, so now I must pose the question, what is wrong with taking the backseat? This is due to the fact that you’ll never know if you don’t go, nor you will shine if you don’t glow.
For you see, you are, at this moment, an All-Star, so get your game on, and proceed to go play, indeed, you’re an All-Star, get the show on, which would entitled you to get paid. That would mean that all that glitters, is indeed gold, and that only shooting stars, can participate in the process of breaking the mold.
 
Let's say, hypothetically, your mom was wearing a yellow raincoat. Now, also in this scenario, there is a man needing to get home. When he sees your mom, he will yell "taxi, taxi!". Now, why does he do this? The answer is actually quite simple. Your mom is so fat she is the size of a taxi, and the yellow raincoat she is theoretically wearing is the same color as a taxi. Therefore, the man mistakes her for a taxi. So, what has this hypothetical scenario shown us? It has shown us that your mom is very, very, fat. Boom! Once again destroyed with facts and logic.
 
I masturbate to pictures of Ben Shapiro almost every day just because I know he would hate the idea of a male wanking to him
it's actually really difficult because I don't find him sexually attractive in any way and especially just his headshots but I have done it every day for about 2 years because I found it funny at first but now I'm so used to it that it makes me feel incomplete if I don't do it every day
 
God I wanna fuck Ben Shapiro's sister, really hold her down (with consent) and fuck her raw while she moans my name, her big Jewish right wing tits flopping about, I want her to choke me as she rides me cowgirl on the couch while we watch rick and morty, imagine the titty fuck she could give with those massive fucking earth shattering breasts. I bet she can suck the whole 12 inch cock at once and suck for hours even after you cum multiple times, she wouldn't even choke or gag just suck and swallow. She would even be useful outside the kitchen and bedroom, she is Jewish so she could handle our money and taxes while she gargles my demon semen. Think of all the possibilities you could have by fucking this goddess of a woman.

75 - Only in New Orleans (feat. New Orleans)

watch.goodluckgabe.life
I have a bodycam and I am not afraid to use it
PLEASE HELP!! this morning i woke up and went to the toilet to go touch my penis while looking at clash royale r34 but when i put my hand in my pants to rub the beast i grasped at nothing! "Where is it!?" I yelled in frustration. 20 minutes of searching for my wizard stick later I felt that i needed to piss. I have no schlong but i must pee. Someone please help find my penis it's 17cm long and it's strong and veiny if anyone finds it pls dm me.
So the other day I was at home alone and I was pretty horny. I decided to try something new and more exciting than my usual jerking. I had airpods in my ears at the time so I was like, "why not?" I took them off and started rubbing the tip of my penis with my airpods. The slight vibrating feeling felt really good and I kept playing while experimenting different genre of songs, metal, pop, punk and so on. Eventually my penis got covered in precum and I realized I pushed the airpods a bit too far inside my penis hole. I tried to take it off but I couldn't, and my pleasure turned into pain as I slowly lost my erection while thinking what I can do. Then I had a brilliant idea. I started playing "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift and I started to shake my dick furiously while dancing to the song. "Shake it off, shake it off!" The soundwaves coming out from my airpods vibrated my entire penis and my god it felt heavenly. My dick became harder than steel and I was about to blow a huge nut. But then I realized, I've slightly fucked up. My semen increased the pressure inside my penis so high, it really felt like my penis was about to explode and at some point, it pushed the airpods out of my dick like a bullet going 1000 miles per hour and it shot me in my right eye. I screamed in pain and my eye got swollen so bad. I had to lie to my mom about what happened but overall it was a great experience.
 
Dicks are so cute omg(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω＼) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3c" hehe ~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾） and the most adorable thing ever is when sperm-sama comes out but theyre rlly shy so u have to work hard!!(๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧ but when penis-kun and sperm-sama meet and theyre blushing and all like "uwaaa~!" (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ: ･ﾟhehehe~penis-kun is so adorable (●´Д｀●)・::・
 
I’m so sick of all these people that think they’re gamers. No, you’re not. Most of you are not even close to being gamers. I see these people saying “I put well over 100 hours in this game, it’s great!” that’s nothing, most of us can easily put 300+ hours in all our games. I see people who only have a Nintendo Switch and claim to be gamers. Come talk to me when you pick up a PS4 controller then we be friends.
Also DEAR ALL WOMEN: Pokémon is not a real game. Animal Crossing is not a real game. The Sims is not a real game. Mario is not a real game. Stardew valley is not a real game. Mobile games are NOT.REAL.GAMES. put down the baby games and play something that requires challenge and skill for once.
Sincerely, all of the ACTUAL gamers.

74 - Relatable Content (feat. MrLonely1995)

watch.goodluckgabe.life for full videos
This is sooo you when you listen to podcasts 👂🎧😂😴
Let geraldo know in the comments if you relate to this one!
 
I met this girl at a bar and we went back to my place. We were both pretty drunk and horny, and she asked if I wanted to fuck. I obviously said yes, and I couldn’t wait to try her big fat cock, but when I pulled down her panties, there was nothing there! It was just a squishy wet hole. I asked her where her schlong was, and she told me “Girls don’t have schlongs!” I was so fucking confused. Please help me!
 
Anyway, so my sister really likes it whenever I blow in her pussy, and by blow I don’t mean like blowing my load no I mean like blow as in from my mouth.
Like last week I was watching old elf porn, my sister then knocked on my door and I quickly shut off the porn I was watching and let her in. She was sweating like crazy and her shorts were soaked, she asked me to come blow her pussy, so I obliged and we went to her room, she then took off her wet shorts and spread her vulva wide open, then a took a deep breathe and blew in her tight spongy hole, then she came on my face, she apologized and we kept going, everytime I blew she came.
After a couple hours we stopped, I was covered in juices, like top to bottom I looked like I got out of swimming. My sister was defeated, panting like an ant in heat, I kissed her forehead and then went back to my elf porn. It’s not my kinda thing, but mom says if I don’t help blow my sister she’ll take away my lactating sex doll.
 
Anyway, so this all happened when I was 16. I’am 29 now but I mays well tell the cautionary tale.
So basically I was a a horny 16 yr old guy watching porn and jerking off. I was fairly late into jerking off and watching porn as I had only started around 16. When I was watching I realised the dicks in it looked different to mine, the heads were like a mushroom. Then with further investigation I learned that mine was different because it had a foreskin, and that some guys had it cut off (circumcision) or it was retracted.
So after learning the foreskin could be retracted, i started to try and pull it back, but unfortunately the skin was VERY tight, and I could barely move it I learnt this was called ‘phimosis’ a tight foreskin. I decided over several days to try and slowly ‘peel’ the foreskin back. I finally started to make progress but I began to notice a white ‘material ‘ under my foreskin,
My heart sunk, I was super confused and worried, i managed to get tiny bits off that were showing and they were hard as clay, I thought it was dried toilet paper. But I later learned it was ‘smegma’ but unlike other stories, mine was really hard. Like no oozy ness or anything.
I kept going further and larger chunks became visible, it was like an iceberg, where initially only the tip is showing but there is ALOT hidden underneath. I noticed the each chunk was painful and tender to take off, I got further and further down the head. Where eventually one shower, it slipped all the way down.
Revealing to my horror the most ‘smega’ of all, all built up under the head of my penis and on top of the head.
It was BURNING, my penis head had never been exposed properly and with the shower water on it it was so painful. But I kept pushing through to get all the smega off of the head. It was like it had formed its own map onto my penis, with indents on the head I still have today.
Once I finally got a look a my raw penis head the real horror began. The base of my head, like the mushroom edge part was purple and swollen. And there was purple discolourations on top of the head. But the worst was ‘grey’ area’s on the back of my head, with the feeling in them almost gone.
I was devastated, I could only guess that the grey part was from me ‘sleep fucking’ (with it erect under my stomach face down) and as my penis grew the hard smegma was constantly rubbing it and damaging the nerves hence the ‘grey’. The the swollen purple was most likely from the more recent mastabation where I’d forcefully jerk my penis but not realising I have hard clay rubbing the head.
I honestly was angry initially, at my dad, myself, I became jealous of people with normal penis’s and also wondered it it hindered it’s growth.
As time passed I got over the initial shock and discolouration, as years have gone by the purple has reduced but unfortunately the ‘grey’ areas are still there although kinda improved although the nerve damage I got remains
As a result some sexual acts I don’t enjoy, head being one them, it either feels like nothing or gives me a plainly shock. I was getting head one time from a girl I met at uni, and claimed she was amazing at head, as she was was getting into it, my leg randomly shot up with a mix of pleasure and pain (more so pain) we both stopped and stared at each other.
we joked about it later like ‘damn the head was that good it jolted life into you’. But I hate breaking it to girls I don’t enjoy it.
It also effected how sore my penis was, like I was have an aching sensation in the head of the penis for WEEKS initially and after jerking off, although that has improved the most. Was like having a crippled penis.
Moral of the story is tell your son to clean his penis. Or educate yourself.
And don’t take your normal fully functioning penis for granted.
TL;DR I didn’t clean my penis for 16 years and had to clean 16 years worth of smegma off it, which left me with permanent discolouration and nerve damage.
 
Homicidal ideation set to the tune of make it forever 
Strong urges to find out where mrlonely1995 lives and to shoot him in the face after telling him he should have kept his fucking mouth shut.
You should have kept your fucking mouth shut. You should have nipped yourself in the fucking bud. You absolute fucking moron. 
Now you have to die. Sorry.
 
I don't think I've had such a clear image of killing someone in a long time. Actually the more I think about it I feel like I've imagined killing every single person I've ever met in some way. Or at least imagined their immediate or eventual death. It is the complement to seeing them alive. I simultaneously see their death. I see a life that doesn't matter, and a death that is just the same. Sweet fucking relief from the pretentiousness of life, of continuing to live because we think it is worth more than death, that it is better than death, that it is different from death, that it is separate from death. We live because we are obsessed with death. We do not know death. We criticize what we do not know. Death is sweet. 
 
Today:
- make rough drafts fake death certificate 
- workout whatever
- annotate 2 hours
X sign up for new mint mobile account
- kill myself

73 - Chinese Female Nude Male (feat. Emma “Nancy ‘Chyna’ Pelosi” Chamberlain)

https://watch.goodluckgabe.life
The terrifying, the deadly, the amaaaazing HONG KONG TYPHOON Emma “Nancy ‘Chyna’ Pelosi” Chamberlain AKA MINION BOB returns to the show for a third appearance after a year-long hiatus because she tried to use my cashapp card to buy a $200 maxi dress from houseofCB.com and I invited her on the show so I could bully her for it but instead we talked about her shitty mentally ill ex bf who may or may not listen to this podcast but is definitely aware that it exists and his ex gf was subscribed to it on spotify and also he made her block me on instagram because of it so we recorded this episode via instagram and the screen recording didn’t capture any audio so her audio sounds even shittier than it already did compressed by IG its literally another phone recording audio distantly through another phone’s speaker so it’s practically just a normal edge game episode of man screaming into void but this time guest has funny face filter lol then we floundered for another hour mumblecore style while I jerked my half-hard cock and realized Louis C.K. made humiliation and degradation and CFNM and jerking off in front of people cool and that’s why he’s my biggest inspiration as I forced this minion to watch me cum.
Stay tuned for her return…. Episode 74: LIVE from STARBUCKS (Hong Kong Edition)
 
So basically it was a regular night and I decided I'm gonna spice things up, I went and clicked on xvideos like a good man does and was like what's on here, there was nothing good in the american section and i was like bruh so I clicked on the chinese one. I learned something that night, that chinese xvideos kinda weird there was lots of wack shit but one thing caught my eye. It looked like a dead person getting pounded, I was like ye this is interesting clicked on it and watched like 5 of them. I'm not really sure if I can find them but they were really weird all the people were really good at being dead and the effects were cool, but some were trash. The most memorable one was a lot of girls in a bath and a random man came in and dropped a toaster in it and electrocuted 16 girls. All of them were fucked after that and just got moved around with swinging bodies. Now that I think about some of them couldve been dead but I guess I'll never know. Was the necrophilia real or not
 
You fucking just said something bad about me, are you a little bitch? I want to let you know that I graduated with excellent results in the SEALs, and I have participated in many secret operations against al-Qaeda and received more than 300 confirmed kills. I was heavily trained in the game of chickens and I was the most powerful sniper of the entire American armed forces. You are just another small goal for me. I will erase you from this earth with great precision, just like you never existed in this world, give me my words. Do you think that you can escape from me on the Internet? Think about it again, stupid. When I spoke, I was already contacting my secret cyber spy across the United States and your IP address has been tracked, so you'd better be prepared to face the storm, you are awkward. This storm will completely wipe out your poor little life-like gadgets. I can exist anywhere, any time, and I can kill you in more than seven hundred ways, this is only in the case of my empty hand. I have not only received a lot of training in empty-handed fighting, but I also have the right to command all the forces of the US Marine Corps, and I will fully utilize this power to take your little ass from your position. The poor face of the mainland was erased. If you can understand how unclean your little "comments" have caused to yourself, maybe you fucking will close your stinky mouth. But you didn't do it, you can't do it, and you're going to pay for it, you're a damn little fool. I will make my life full of you, and you will be drowned alive here. You are dead, little boy.
 
I was staying over my aunt’s house for the day and I was bored since there’s nothing to do there. So my aunt and I decided to watch a movie on Netflix, we were sat pretty close to each other and midway through the movie my aunt asked if I wanted a Handjob. I wasn’t expecting that but why would i say no. So i agreed and my cock quickly grew in her hand while she jerked me off. My cock was fully hard in her hands, and she was shocked by the size of it. She told me that she wasn’t lying I had a big cock, and I was confused because who wasn’t lying. She tells me that my mom asked her to take care of my cock as it would help her feel better and remove stress and she accepted. So she pulled off my pants completely and started sucking my cock, she wanted me to push her head down on it so I did. I came soon after in her throat and she swallowed it all but choking a little. I’m just surprised my mom asked my aunt to do that because it’s not like something that happens everyday lol, I could show my aunt if anyone asks.